Oh, I got ideas alright, especially once I got older.
But never about Harry.
It’s awful, isn’t it? I was sick with guilt, even back then, though obviously I never tried to act on any of those bad thoughts. I don’t know who would be more disturbed by my off-limits crush—Harry or his uncle—and besides: I’m no cheater.
So I pushed those thoughts away. And when Harry wrote me a break-up letter the summer before he went to college, I tried not to seem too relieved.
“You’ll forget all about me and Maple Creek,” he said as we packed up my car on the day I left for the city, his letter folded in my back jeans pocket. It was the same car I’m driving now, but with fewer scratches and dings. Back then, Harry loaded the heaviest bags for me, the trunk dipping under the weight of them. “You’re gonna leave this town in your dust, Josie.”
“I hope so,” I told him then, and I meant it.
So much for triumphant exits. So much for my blaze of glory, leaving this dusty relic of a town far behind. A conquering hero, on my way to the big city to… to…
Even now, I’m not sure what my plan was. Maybe that’s where I went so wrong.
All I knew was I needed to get far, far away from Everett Bray, or I was gonna do something really stupid. Something I couldn’t take back, and something that would hurt Harry. My best friend.
My phone buzzes beside me on the cracked leather of the passenger seat as I round a tight bend. That’s probably Harry now, checking in.
I haven’t told him I’m back in Maple Creek yet. He’ll find out soon enough, and in the meantime, I want a few more hours of not being a huge failure.
* * *
The road to Everett Bray’s place starts wide and smooth, then gets slowly bumpier and more narrow as you drive away from town. Side roads peel off, leading to other properties dotted around the Maple Creek outskirts, until the only possible destination of this path is the Barns by the water.
My teeth clack together as the car rocks over the road. I’m bouncing around the cab like a pea in a can.
The bags in my trunk are a lot lighter than when I last left this town.
What if Everett doesn’t remember me? And what will I even say to him if he does? I’m nothing to Harry’s uncle these days—I’m not dating his nephew anymore, and I have no ties to Maple Creek. I’m no one.
My palms get slick on the steering wheel and I grip tighter, lightheaded from these racing thoughts. What exactly do I think Everett Bray will do for me here? Why should he help me?
God. What am I doing?
The engine roars as I wrench at the steering wheel, bouncing off the dirt path to the side of the road, panic drumming in my chest. There’s a copse of straggly bushes a few meters up ahead so I drive behind there, tires crunching through the rocky dirt.
The car ticks as it cools. I lick my lips, and my mouth is so dry.
This is fine.
This is fine.
People sleep in their cars all the time, and this is still better than sleeping rough in that party barn or curling up on the school sports field. No one comes out here except Harry’s uncle, and he won’t see me tucked away behind these bushes.
The air is cool, drifting through my open window, and I can hear insects shivering in the long grass. It’s not so bad.
Tomorrow will be better.
I clip off my seat belt and roll my stiff neck. Six straight hours of driving is no joke, and I’d really freaking love to stretch my legs out in the fresh air; to lift my arms overhead and reach for the darkening sky; to feel my back pop and my muscles throb. But opening and slamming my car door will be loud, and I can’t risk it. Can’t have the sound drifting across these empty plains to Harry’s uncle.
Can’t risk being found. Not like this.
So: tomorrow will be better. I’ll come up with a plan, and I’ll find somewhere else to stay.
Or I’ll quit fooling myself, and leave Maple Creek behind me once and for all.