It’s easy to get her to talk about beaches, sunshine, or orange juice. Anything associated with the coast and Hailey will rant for hours.
I need this, her lighthearted chatter. It’s easier to digest than adding up in my mind the number of days Cole has chosen not to sit with us at lunch. Eli and Finn are here, but he’s nowhere in sight.
I shouldn’t take it personally. We are no longer the other’s problem, but it still hurts more than I should allow it to. One day, sure, no problem. Two, whatever, but by day five, it feels personal.
Was it the sex? He hasn’t tried to approach me since it happened. I haven’t tried to reach out either. Not even to thank him for the car, which in hindsight, has been a huge blessing since my job at Hardin is downtown.
I don’t have to badger Hailey about a ride. I know she’d do it, but more than what she’s already been doing seems excessive.
I shouldn’t care. He’s free to live his life, and I mine. I’d been genuine from the beginning, what happened after is on him.
Hailey snaps her fingers in my face, bringing me back to the present.
“Did you hear me?”
I blink away my confusion. “Mmhmm, yep.”
Her arms cross with suspicion. “Really? What did I say then?”
I haven’t the slightest clue.
My head and brain feel like I’d been playing bumper cars with a sledgehammer and I’m losing.
Cole is doing—whatever. I roll my eyes at myself.You don’t care.I have plenty of other things I can focus on. They don’t need to stay on him and why he’s avoiding me.
Because I know heisavoiding me.
Abram’s been around the house more than he usually is. Popping in and out for small chitchats between working from home anytime we aren’t in school.
Lorna, I’m not sure why she visited Silas, but it bugs me. Something off about the whole thing. Cole said he would figure it out, but that meant he’d have to talk to me, and that’s not happening.
Eli and I have hung out a few more times. Nothing major, but it’s been a nice break from the Finn and Hailey situation.
Ere the lack of situation it is. They both suddenly become mute anytime I bring the topic up about the other. I know something’s there. They both play the denial game. Holding their breath around the other like it’s a lottery ticket and not their lives.
Also, Finn hasn’t mentioned it since that day in the kitchen, but I can tell. He still thinks one day he’s going to wake up and I’ll be gone.
How isn’t my still being here proof enough that I’m not and don’t plan to again?
It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted.
“Uh, earth to Rory? Hello, are you with us?”
Shit! I did it again.
What were we talking about again? Right—where she used to live.
I say the first thing that pops into my head. “We should go sometime. A vacation sounds like a great idea.” I could use one.
I’m not completely lying, and I think that’s the only reason she somewhat believes me. Pulling the words straight out of my ass.
Her mouth falls. Okay, so maybe she isn’t talking about that anymore.
U-S-T-E-D with a capital B in the front is what I am.
The only thing I’ve learned worse than not feeding my best friend three solid meals a day is ignoring her. And I haven’t been caught once buttwicein the same lunch period.
I don’t think offering her the entirety of my meals for the next year will fix things now. I’m so screwed.