In fact, I had no bad memories of my time with Colt. It was the time without him that had been when I’d realized that I just didn’t fit into his life. He hadn’t done anything wrong and he hadn’t done anything to hurt me or drive me away.
I was simply me, and he was simply him, and sadly, those two things simply didn’t go together.
33
COLT
Angry and miserable, I went through the motions for the next two weeks and threw myself into my work with all my might, but as time passed, I realized my life wasn’t nearly as amazing as I’d hoped it would be or as it had seemed before.
I couldn’t believe that two of my relationships had melted down in less than a year.What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I find a woman who wants to share my awesome life with me?
Those two questions kept repeating in my head, and that was how I’d realized that my life wasn’t as awesome as I used to think it was. Paris had lost its shine, and so had the prospect of going anywhere else. It was all starting to feel just as tedious as everyone else seemed to think it had to be.
I’d never moved into that apartment I’d gone to look at with Emma. Instead, I’d stayed in our room for a while, and when that got too depressing, I’d switched hotels. But I was still living out of a suitcase. It had never bothered me before, but I was starting to notice things now.
Things that bugged the shit out of me, like when I realized I wanted a particular tie and had to go out to buy another because mine was back home, in New York. Or when I woke up at two a.m. with a craving for one of those cups of instant ramen and couldn’t make it because I didn’t have it or anything to make it with.
About a week ago, one of my coworkers had invited me out. I’d gone with him in the hopes that it would finally break me out of this rut I was stuck in. He’d taken me to one of the supposed best bars in the city and then to a club he’d said wastheplace to be right now.
Neither had impressed me. In fact, it had been so bad that I’d faked a fucking headache just to be able to beg off early. The loud music, the drinking, the socializing, and the flirting—dear Lord, the flirting—it had all been terrible. I’d found that I couldn’t even look at another woman without comparing her to Emma and wanting her to have been Emma instead, and strangely, I was finding it harder to move on from her than it had been with Anna.
When she’d walked out on me, I’d been heartbroken and pissed, but I hadn’t been at the point where I was ready to give up on all thingslove. Hell, the very next morning I’d told Parker to bet on it and sent him home to fight for his woman.
Now, however, it had been nearly a month, and if he’d been here, talking to me about the very same thing, I’d have poured him a shot and told him he was better off without love in his life anyway. There were many lovely ladies in Paris and I’d met some of them that night, even a few who had mentioned wanting to travel for the next few years while I’d been talking to them. Even then, faced with beautiful women who might’ve actually wanted my life, I hadn’t been able to muster enough enthusiasm for anything. Not even decent conversation or a dance.
They must’ve thought I was a lump because I’d barely managed to grunt in response to their questions while I downed drink after drink. It had been a low point in my existence for sure and the saddest part of all was that I was still there.
Not in the club, obviously, but in that slump.
Every night before I fell asleep, I told myself that the next day would be better and it never was. Today, however, had to be.
Today was the day I was meeting up with Teddy and Scott in Nice. I’d traveled out here yesterday to see them, but as I sat, waiting at the café where we’d agreed to have lunch, I realized that today wasn’t going to be any better after all.
The only thing I could think about was what Emma would’ve looked like in a wide-brimmed sunhat like the one the woman at the table next to mine had on. I imagined the breeze blowing through her golden hair and her skin all tanned from having spent the morning on the beach.Man, that would’ve been fucking awesome.
Thankfully, before I could start bawling my eyes out over it, my sister and her husband appeared on the deck where I was waiting, and the grin on Teddy’s face wiped my misery away for a minute. “Colt! Oh, I’ve missed you. How are you? It’s so great to see you. Why are you so skinny? Have you been eating?”
She pulled out of our hug with a frown, her hands on my shoulders as her dark eyes swept across my face. “You haven’t been eating or sleeping by the looks of things. What’s going on?”
Scott stepped in beside her, holding out his hand for me to shake and giving me a small, apologetic smile. “Sorry, Colt. She’s been stuck with only me for company for too long, it seems. I think she’s going to make you answer all those questions, even if she didn’t breathe between asking any of them.”
I chuckled, shaking his hand before motioning them into the chairs across from my own. “That’s okay. I’m used to it. Theodora has always prided herself on being an inquisitor.”
Turning to her, I took a deep breath and answered what I could without lying. “It’s great to see you too, sis. I’m fine, but I missed you, too. I’m not skinny and I have been eating. I’ve just been working hard on getting that hotel in Paris done.”
Her brow furrowed. “You’re working too hard, if you ask me. Are you sure that’s the only thing that’s going on, though?”
“Yep.” I took a closer look at them, tilting my head as I turned the tables. “How about you? Both of you look fucking exhausted. Have you been sleeping? Eating? You’ve just finished a cruise, for God’s sake. You should not be looking like you’ve come off a thirty-six hour shift.”
“We’re both just tired,” she said, glancing at him before taking his hand and putting it on her lap. “To be honest, the cruise was fantastic but it might’ve been a touch too long for us.”
“Well, at least you’re back on solid ground now,” I said, trying to sound cheerful. “Why don’t you guys come back to Paris with me for a few days? Then you could stick around for a couple more weeks with me in Spain? It might help you relax and catch up on the sleep you obviously missed onboard.”
“No,” Teddy said immediately, her free hand flying to her mouth like she couldn’t believe she’d just let the word out like that.
Scott chuckled, but he didn’t look surprised by her refusal. “Thanks for the invitation, but we’ll be heading home as soon as we can. I need to get back to my job. I’ve already been gone for ages and Teddy and I have both been homesick for weeks now. We just want to get back to normal.”
“I need to get back to work too,” she said. “Neither of us can afford any more time off and Scott’s right that we just want to get back to it. We might take you up on it some other time, though. Like maybe in a few years from now when we can afford to take any time at all off again.”