“He fucked me when he was a little boy?! I love that for him. But I don’t think I love that for me. Am I gonna go to prison?”
“Ash, you didn’t lose your virginity to that waiter.”
“Thank God.” She took a big bite of pizza. “Was the man who took my virginity as yummy as this pizza?”
“Yummier.”
“Yes! I love that. And I love whoever I lost my virginity to.”
“You actually do.”
“Really?!”
“Yup.”
“But how is that possible? I didn’t know my husband yet.”
“True. But this was your first love.”
“I’m so confused. Can you please just tell me who it was!? This story is taking forever!”
“I know! I’m sorry, but I had forgotten how intricate my rescue plan was. It would have been criminal to gloss over Karma’s glorious initiation into the Single Girl Rules.” I went to grab a slice of pizza, but then I stopped. Being late for my own wedding was one thing. But showing up with tomato sauce on my wedding gown? Criminal.
“Did she seriously do all that with her boyfriend watching?”
I nodded.
“Oh my God. I love that for her. Wait! Did I lose my virginity in the same way?”
“Maybe.”
“Really?!” She looked so excited.
“Grab a slice of ‘za and listen up, girl. Because even though the virgin auction hadn’t started early, it was still happening that night…”
* * *