Epilogue – Yummy
Saturday - Oct 10, 2026
“Oh my God,” said Ash. “I can’t believe the banana king auctioned off my virginity. I love that for me!”
Really?
Ash grabbed her glass of banana juice and took a huge sip.
Oh, right. She was on her third glass of banana juice. Which meant she loved literally everything.
“Ghostie was so cute in that story,” said Ash. “I think that was right before he confessed to me that he was madly in love with you.”
“Wait, he actually said that to you freshman year?”
“Or maybe it was Teddybear who confessed it.”
I stared at her.
“Or what was that other guy’s name with the tatts? Simon?”
I laughed. “Simon? Really?”
“Oh! Maybe it was Justin who said he loved you way back then.”
Justin definitely wasn’t in love with me. But he did love me. Or at least…I hoped he still did. He’d been frantic when we flew off in the helicopter. But he’d forgive me later.
“So who bought me?” Ash asked, abruptly changing the subject. “Was it an older man? Or was it that Tonguenado guy? He sounded like so much fun. And please tell me they spent a lot of money. I love my virginity getting auctioned, but I’d be devastated if it sold for less than seven figures.”
“I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news…but Ghostie was lying about the auction.”
“What? So I didn’t lose my virginity to the highest bidder?” She said it so loudly that a few people in the restaurant turned to look at us.
“I mean…the auction was still scheduled to happen that night. But he was lying about it starting early.”
“Oh thank God. So the auction still happened that night?”
“You seriously don’t remember?”
“Nope. Which sucks. Because I bet it was so hot.”
“Speaking of hot...” said our waiter. “Please be careful. The cheese is very hot.” He put a steaming cheese pizza down on our table.
“You should be careful,” said Ash. “Because your cheese is hot.” She winked at him.
He looked confused. “Your other eleven pizzas will be out soon.”
“Eleven more pizzas?” asked Ash.
Did she seriously not remember ordering them just a few minutes ago?
Ash leaned forward and lowered her voice to an extremely loud whisper. “Oh my God. Chastity. I think we might be at another virgin auction. And the bidding is done in pizzas.”
“That’s definitely not what’s happening, but I kind of love the idea. Although we are most certainly not virgins.”
“Right,” said Ash. “So who took my V-card? Was it our waiter?”
I shook my head and looked at our waiter. What? “I’m pretty sure our waiter is in college. Which means he was a child when you lost your virginity.”