“And how do you think Karma will react if you pick another girl as the winner? We need to make sure you’re a fair and impartial judge.”
He shrugged. “She’ll get over it. I swear I’ll be fair.”
“Alright then. I guess I’ll allow it. Let’s get you into your judge outfit.”
He disappeared off stage and came out a second later wearing a white toga and a laurel wreath crown.
“Very nice,” I said. “Let’s bring out the ladies!”
The girls walked out from under an archway on the far side of the stage. They were all dressed in hooded silk robes.
“Brody?” said Karma.
“Hey, babe! Told you I’d catch the final beach ball!”
“That’s amazing. But how are you allowed to be the judge? Isn’t it a conflict of interest?”
“It is,” I said. “But he promised to be a fair judge.”
“Bullshit!” yelled a guy in the crowd.
“Right?” I said. “It probably is bullshit. But luckily for us, it’ll be impossible for him to lie.”
“Huh?” asked Brody.
I pulled a watch out of my pocket. “This will track your heart rate. The girl whose lap dance gets your heart racing the fastest will be the winner.” I put the watch on him and then led him over to the hot seat. Or in this case, the hot throne. I had to hand it to them, the Locatellis had really gone all out with the Roman theme of this place.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” said Karma. “Lap dance?”
“Yup!” I said. “Is that a problem?”
“Well I don’t love the idea of him getting a lap dance from two other girls.”
“Would you prefer if he stepped down?” I asked.
“Uh, yes. I think we both should. I’m not really comfortable doing a lap dance in front of this crowd anyway…”
“Babe, come on,” said Brody. “You give the best lap dances.”
“I know…but those are just for you.”
“Just think about all the money we can win.”
“Do it! Do it!” chanted the crowd.
“Gah, fine!” said Karma. “But you better like my dance the best.”
“You know I will, babe.”
“Tell you what, Karma,” I said. “Since you’re being such a good sport, you can choose the order of dances.”
“Hmm…okay. Well I definitely want to go last. That way I’ll know what I’m up against.”
“And who goes first?”
Karma looked at Slavanka and Esme. “Uhh…her.” She pointed to Slavanka.
“Alright. The rules are simple. You each get 90 seconds to give Brody the best lap dance of his life. Whoever raises his heart rate the most is our winner. Oh, and if you break the rules, I’ll blow my whistle. If it’s a minor infraction you’ll get a yellow card, which means you lose 15 seconds. And a red card ends your time immediately. Got it?”