“Ok.” She sings, bouncing out of her seat, French toast long gone.
“Don’t even think about cleaning this up,” Marcus says, leaning into me with a playful smile.
“I can’t just leave it.”
You don’t have to. I got it. The point is you don’t do anything, got it?”
“Yes, sir.” I joke in a soft voice that makes him growl, and I laugh.
When Harmony returns, she blows her breath for Marcus to check, and they grab their things and get going. I get a big baby bear hug, and to my surprise, a Marcus hug too. It’s not forced but still seems off. We’ve tried for so long to keep our distance from each other in front of our daughter. When she was in pre-school, she started asking all those dreaded questions like why do Timmy’s mom and dad live together? Why does Samantha have two moms? Why does my skin look so different from Ava’s? It was a long year of questions, but she’s really hit her stride this year. She’s excelling in everything she does, plus Marcus put her in School of Rock, where she’s learning to play piano and sing. She loves heavy metal music, which worries me, but I trust Marcus, and if she loves music, I would never try to turn down that light.
Musing about the house that Marcus has done an annoyingly good job at cleaning leaves me to daydream about his mouth between my legs which is not healthy. Before the accident, I was content. I knew what my day would be like. I worked, avoided the handsome doctor Jake, and went home to my daughter. That was it. I wanted to move on, maybe go on a date or two, but it’s so easy to push my wants aside, and now my life is more confusing than ever.
A knock at the front door pulls my attention, and I’m thankful for the French toast and painkillers as I wobble my ass over to answer it thinking Marcus is back from parent drop-off.
Opening the door, I’m rushed by my mother plowing inside and pulling me to her chest. The sweet smell of her perfume fills my nose and blankets me with all those warm childhood feels. Her hug is long and tight, and I have no idea how much time we’re standing at the entrance when I hear Dean clear his throat. She backs away, and I see the tears running down her face.
“I got here as soon as I could. Are you ok? What hurts? Can I make you something to eat?”
“Mom, no, I’m fine. Really. Just come in.”
Dad comes up and gives me a big bear hug. He’s the best dad I could have ever asked for and worlds better than the man who donated his sperm. I would regret moving here to meet him, but then I wouldn’t know Marcus, have Harmony, my job, and all the great people I get to call my friends, so I guess it wasn’t all bad.
“How are you kiddo?”
“I’ve been better, but I’m surviving.”
“I hope you're letting Marcus help.” His stern voice gives me pause. Am I really that stubborn?
“He is,” I whine defensively and wobble my way to the coach. “Mom, stop fretting. He’s cleaned, stocked the fridge, and even did the laundry. Trust me, I checked.”
“Well, good,” she says, wringing her hands together. Mom has a tough time relaxing. After raising five children, she doesn’t know what to do with all the free time she has. My little brother just left for college. My poor mother and father are stressing over the farm since none of my siblings want to take it over after working it their whole lives, but luckily Uncle Bill’s sons are trying to pull enough money together to make an offer. Then it will stay in the family, and Mom and Dad can travel like they want, and all will be well in our little town of Hawkins.
“Aw, Mom, you know you don’t have to take care of everyone. You’re in California. Go sightseeing, shop for new boots, just get out of here. I’m fine right here with this book I’ve wanted to read for six months.”
“But we just got here. Isn't there something we can do for you? Want us to go pick you up a few more books? Or lunch? Is there anything Harmony needs? I was hoping to see her this morning.”
“Sawyer, baby. We’ll see everyone later. Let’s go out for a while. Let Grace rest.”
“Oh right, family dinner. Ok then. We’ll get out of your hair and see you all later tonight. Maybe I can help Lyla.”
“Maybe,” Dad says, gently touching her cheek with his knuckles.
That same love and affection they’ve always shared is what I wanted for myself, and the familiar ache of longing hits me in the chest. Once upon a time, I wanted that. What they have that makes everyone around them so jealous. That knowledge of knowing the other person loves you to your core. Even at your ugliest, they’ll love you and stick with you and fight with you if you’re being stubborn. Cook for you if you’re hungry. Drag your ass out of a bar at one am after a bad harvest. They have magic. I’ve seen it between Nora and Declan, too, but I’ve let go of the hope of a second chance with Marcus. There is no way we could make it work with his lifestyle. I would turn into a jealous, possessive, and needy partner, which would break my heart because that’s not what we’re like. Marcus and I are best friends. If that’s all I ever get, I’m ok with that. I have to be, for Harmony’s sake.