To know or not to know, that was the question.
Ignorance is bliss, they said. Sorry, ancient philosopher, ignorance sucked.
But once she knew, she could never go back. They could never g
o back. How would it change things between them? How would it change things between their families? And if he decided to be rid of her because she’d found out the truth and he hadn’t wanted that, what then?
She could leave this all behind and go away.
No, she couldn’t. Not anymore. Not until she knew everything about herself that she hadn’t known existed.
The conflict inside her, the worry, the anger, the curiosity, all tangled together in a knot lodged right in her chest, making her breaths heavy and heart sore. Twisting sensations ran amok in her stomach, as Morana closed her eyes, took a deep breath in, and nodded.
“I want to know.”
With those words, she sealed her fate. She knew she wouldn’t be the same again.
With those words, she leaned back and opened her eyes, her hands trembling again as Amara, slowly, softly, began to talk.
Tristan, 8 years old.
Tenebrae City.
He was scared.
He wasn’t supposed to be here.
Tristan knew he was breaking a rule even as he pushed himself as high as his small toes would allow. His short body leaned against the pillar as he tried to look into the dining hall at the big house. It was a big space, with tall lamps at every corner of the room, lighting the area brightly, side tables scattered close to the walls. There was a long brown table in the center, with twenty chairs on each side and two at the heads of the table. The walls were the same stone the big house was made of, the name of which he couldn’t remember, and the curtains were deep blue in color. Tristan liked the color. He liked the room too.
He’d only been inside the house twice before, both times when the Boss had been holding some party. His mother had helped organize everything. Tristan was keen to see this dinner meeting, while his dad protected the Boss.
It was a very important job, Tristan had been told enough times. Which was why his mother always left him out in the garden to play and never let him in the house. The two times he’d sneaked in, he’d just roamed around the large halls and escaped back, scared someone would see him and complain.
Tristan was old enough to know that if the complaint ever reached the Boss, he would be in big trouble. The Boss didn’t kill little boys, or so he’d heard, but he did punish them as he saw fit. Tristan didn’t want to be punished.
Though he’d sneaked in before, it had been a very long time since he’d entered the house. He really should leave, but his feet remained glued as he watched the hall. At first, his break-ins had been out of curiosity. This time though, it was for information.
Nobody told him anything since he wasn’t old enough to be told adult things. That didn’t mean he didn’t know.
He knew.
He saw.
He heard.
He felt.
So much pain. So much guilt.
His baby sister was gone and it was his fault. Her protection had been his duty; her safety his responsibility. It had been seventeen days and not a clue about her.
Tristan still remembered the night so clearly it was a vivid picture in his head. He remembered tickling his little Luna as she giggled in that sweetest voice, laughing with him in her white pajamas with red hearts on them. He remembered her big green eyes, looking up at him with such innocent love, such devotion it always made him feel funny in his chest. He remembered checking under her bed and hugging her good night, remembered that soft baby smell of hers as she gripped his hair in a tiny fist.
She was the most beautiful baby sister in the world. Tristan had vowed the first moment he had seen her pink scrunched face and held her tiny body in his thin arms that he would always keep her safe. He was her big brother, after all. That’s what big brothers did. They protected their baby sisters at any cost.
Yet, that night, he had failed. He didn’t know how, but somehow he had.
Her windows had been locked – he’d locked them himself. And the only way to enter her room was through his. Not even his mother could get through the door without him waking up to check on his sister.