He sank down on the side of the bed and put his head in his hands in an attitude of total despair.
My heart ached for him. I got to my knees and came to put my hands on his shoulder.
“Nick, it wasn’t like that,” I said softly. “Honestly, it wasn’t. It was a mutual thing. I was deep in Breeding Fever—your beast probably saved my life by breeding me.”
“Bullshit,” he said angrily, shaking off my hands. “You see? This—this is what I was afraid of all those years ago. That was why I had to leave—I was so afraid I would breed you. I just never dreamed I’d do it in my Fur Form!” He scrubbed a hand over his face, his fingers making a sandpapery sound over the stubble. “What kind of a sick, perverted monster have I become?” he muttered.
“Nick, please—just listen to me!” I began, but he was already up and pacing again.
“I have to go,” he said hoarsely. “I need to turn myself in to the Council of Elder Weres and tell them what I’ve done. They can decide what fate I deserve.”
“No, don’t do that!” I exclaimed, really worried now.
What if the Council decided he needed to be locked up for the rest of his life or even killed? I might never see him again!
“Nick, please,” I begged. “Please, don’t do anything rash. We need to talk about this!”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Kira—I have to go.” He gave me a regretful look and shook his head.
“What? Really? Now? After…after we made a connection?” I whispered. My eyes were suddenly stinging with tears but I didn’t want to let them fall. “Please, Nick—don’t leave me again,” I begged softly. “You promised we’d be together forever—please!”
“That was before I did what I did to you,” he said harshly. “After a little time passes, you’ll understand that I deserve to be punished. I’m sorry, darlin’…” He shook his head. “But I just can’t stay.”
“But—” I began.
“I went early this morning and found your rental car,” he continued, ignoring my interruption. “It’s parked out front and your suitcase is over there.” He pointed and I saw my familiar green case sitting by the side of the bed. “You can get dressed and go back to Massachusetts,” he told me.
“But what about you?” I whispered, the tears beginning to fall now. “Where will you go? And will…will I ever see you again?”
Nick shook his head.
“I told you—I have to go give myself up to the Council. And I think after you have some time to think about it, you’ll realize you don’t want to see me again.”
“That’s not true, Nick—I love you!”
I was crying openly now—sobbing in fact—but nothing I did or said seemed to make an impression on him. He simply shook his head and set his jaw.
“I’m sorry, darlin’—I have to go.”
Then he turned and left me—left me sitting there on the side of the bed with tears streaming down my face and his baby possibly growing in my belly.
Nick had abandoned me again but this time it was much, much worse.
THIRTY
I took a shower even though I didn’t want to—didn’t want to rinse his warm, fur and spice scent off my skin. As the hot water flowed over me, I rubbed my hands over my breeding bump, wondering if Nick was right and if I really was going to get pregnant from what we had done the night before.
Well, so what if I did? Why couldn’t he understand that what we’d done had been mutual? It hadn’t been rape, even if I had been tied down. I wasn’t unwilling—my body cried out for what his beast had given me. But Nick couldn’t seem to understand—he just couldn’t forgive himself for breaking the Unbreakable Laws of the pack.
The tears flowed down my cheeks like rain as the water poured over my body. I stayed in the shower until the water went cold and then reluctantly got out to dry off.
I got dressed, mindful of my breeding bump, as I chose my loosest pair of sweats to wear on my drive back home. I thought of trying to follow Nick, trying to talk to him again, but how would I ever find him? He had told me he lived in California now but where in California? I supposed I could do an Internet search, but there were probably plenty of Nicolas Callahans that were lawyers in the Gold Rush State.
Besides, a stubborn part of me didn’t want to have to search for him—I wanted him to realize what he was giving up and come after me instead. Why couldn’t he understand that we belonged together?
These were the thoughts in my head as I drove slowly home, back to the life I had left behind in a different state and a different time.