I lowered my eyes, shaking my head. “I just feel so ashamed. If I thought I was doing the right thing, why did I run? Why was I too chicken-shit to even call my best friend or my mom and tell them I was doing okay?”
He lifted my chin with his finger gently, locking his gaze on mine. “You didn’t do a single fucking thing wrong, Butterfly.”
I melted a little to hear him use the pet name again. I leaned toward him, resting my head on his chest and letting him hold me there, one hand running goose-bump inducing paths from my scalp down to my back. “I ran,” I said, voice thick with emotion.
“You did. The right. Thing,” he said again. There was no arguing with his tone. No room for interpretation. It was like he wanted to use the sheer force of his will to make his words true. And by some magic, it was almost working.
Just having him hold me and absolve me of guilt did make me feel better. I knew I still needed to face everyone, but maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn’t such a big deal that I cut off contact.
“Your mom and your friend will understand,” Christian said. “It’s pretty damn hard to stay mad at you. Trust me, I’ve tried.”
I smiled, sniffling and wiping at my nose as I rested my head on his big, powerful chest. “Maybe you can give me pointers sometime. Because staying mad at you wasn’t so hard.”
He chuckled and it rumbled through his chest into me. “Let’s do the bus tour tonight. Then we’ll come back here and…” he lowered his voice, probably hoping not to traumatize his niece. “We’ll come back here, and I’ll fuck you so good you won’t have any energy to feel guilty. Then–”
“Fuck me so well,” I corrected.
“No. I’m going to fuck you good. And I’ll fuck that proper grammar of yours, too.”
I scrunched up my forehead, pulling back to look at him. “If I knew good grammar was going to get me fucked by a man like you, I would’ve paid a lot more attention in school.”
“Do we have a plan?” he asked.
I nodded, and with that simple gesture I felt another weight lift off my shoulders. Telling the truth to Cassie and Paisley had lifted the first invisible weight from me. Now another had slid away. There were still demons lingering but having Christian at my back made me feel like I could finally imagine talking to them. I could stand up for myself and tell them once and for all to go fuck themselves–that I’d been right to break things off and I didn’t care what they all said. Their side of the argument was pure bullshit. I’d known it then and I still knew it now, but I finally felt ready to say so to their faces.
Tomorrow, at least. Or maybe the day after. The important part was I felt like I was ready to do it soon. Ish.
35
CHRISTIAN
The bus was a double decker with an open top. I’d purchased the whole bus so we wouldn’t have to deal with other people. Lola had rolled her eyes at me when she realized, but I didn’t care. I wanted her to myself, so we went to the top floor and sat at the back. I pulled her into me with one arm around her shoulder. There were little speakers positioned all over the bus. We’d passed a little old lady who I wasn’t sure looked qualified to drive the bus. She’d smiled and waved at us, eyes looking huge behind a pair of glasses that looked thick enough to stop a bullet.
The night was warm and humid ,and the streets were alive, as usual.
“Damn it,” Lola said. “I forgot a hair tie.”
“Here.” I turned her back to me and gathered a chunk of hair. I braided it into a long strand, then scooped up the rest of her hair and used the braid to wrap around and form a ponytail. I was sure to tie a knot that came loose easily.
She faced me when I was done, reaching back to touch her hair in astonishment. “Did you just… use my own hair to tie a ponytail?”
“Yes.”
“First of all, where has that knowledge been my whole life? Second of all, how is that in your toolkit? Oh God. Please don’t tell me it’s a blowjob thing. It’s a blowjob thing, isn’t it?”
I cleared my throat. “Looks like the tour is starting.”
Lola narrowed her eyes at me, but eventually just shook her head and leaned back into my side.
The bus chugged and hummed a little worryingly, but eventually started to inch along the road. The old woman’s voice came blaring over the speakers so loudly I thought I might end the night with hearing damage.