I took in a slow breath, let it out, and felt tears prickle at my eyes. In New York, I’d always felt like I was at the center of this swirling storm of familial pressure. My ex and his parents saw me as a sort of trophy piece that needed to maintain a constant state of polish and impressiveness. His grandparents saw me as a factory gearing up to produce babies for them. My parents stopped seeing me and only saw how being part of my ex’s family could help them feel like the fancy rich, connected people they’d always wanted to be. Everything was just a show. Family gatherings were cold discussions about who would be at which event and what dirty gossip everyone had heard since our last meeting.
But this? This was just the three of us on a couch in my cozy, cramped little apartment. Robert Pattinson was doing his vampire thing on the TV, and I was sandwiched between two people I felt needed me in their own ways. And I realized how much I’d wanted to feel needed. Was that pathetic, or was it normal? I didn’t know, but I knew nobody back in New York needed anything from me except for me to stay in shape, look pretty, and smile.
I snuggled a little closer to Christian, finding a smile was on my face that I couldn’t quite extinguish.
31
CHRISTIAN
Lola and I carefully got up from the couch when the movie was over. Max had insisted on putting me through that thing and she hadn’t even had the decency to stay awake for it? I watched as Lola tried not to wake my niece, sliding a pillow under her head and pulling a blanket up over her shoulders.
Lola stepped back and gave one of those looks to Max that women give to things they find adorable–like a puppy with a rabbit on its head. I looked again at Max, trying to see what Lola saw.
My niece did admittedly look comfortable. And it was a nice change to see her sleeping soundly instead of pelting me with dart guns or laughing in my face after playing a prank on me. I also preferred it to her angrily yelling about how I didn’t understand her or calling me a pig because I didn’t think to have the penthouse stocked with tampons and pads ahead of time. This version of her was sweet. It didn’t talk and it didn’t scowl. I found myself pushing her hair away from her face and smiling a little. When I saw Lola looking, I jerked my hand back and straightened my features.
We went to the small back patio of her apartment. It was a little balcony with barely enough room for the table and two chairs set up inside the railings. The view was nice, though. We could see the silhouette of the mountains to our West and a smear of stars. To the East, I could see the lights of Stone Tower looming like some kind of evil lair.
Lola caught me looking. “Wishing you were at work already?”
I chuckled. “I was actually thinking about how the company never feels as important when I’m not in the building. But sometimes it feels like Stone Financial is all I have left.”
“Oh I seriously doubt that.” Lola was resting her chin on her hand. She looked so perfect in the moonlight with a soft breeze ruffling her hair. “Besides, you have me, now. Right?”
I still wasn’t used to this. A cynical part of me wondered if her recent push to move past casual sex to this was some kind of trick to get me back. Maybe she was waiting for the perfect moment to pull the rug out from under me.
“What is it?” she asked. I was startled when she reached out and put her hand on mine.
“I’m trying to figure out what’s going on in your head. I know the sex was incredible. I expected that we’d both want more of that. But this? I don’t know if I understand why you want it.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I’ve been an ass to you. Hell, I was trying to push you away.”
“I know you were. But I think when you came over to look after me when I got sick, something changed. I got a glimpse of what it would be like if you forgot to pretend for a while. And then we… slept together,” she practically whispered the words like she was worried someone would hear. “And I felt that same connection again. Only deeper.”
“I’m not good at this,” I warned.
She smirked. “Oh come on. I know you’ve dated before. Max told me about your stuck-up CEO girlfriend, too. What was her name?”
I groaned. “Does she know how to keep anything to herself?”
“No. And now I need you to spill the beans. Who was this woman?”