“You can’t.”
I bit back a sigh. Patience, remember? Patience! “Grief can be heavy. Why don’t you let me help you lighten it?”
He scraped a thumbnail across his forehead and tipped his head down until his chin rested on his chest, rising and falling quicker than normal.
He was about to unravel. Again.
I quickly set my mug behind me and pushed off the counter, trying not to step on Timber’s toes as he frantically circled me.
When I got to Chase, I plucked the coffee mug from his fingers and went back to set it on the counter next to mine. Not wasting any time, I returned to him.
His hands were now clenched into fists as he struggled to keep himself together and fight back the tears.
Today was his breakthrough. He was finally releasing everything he’d kept bottled up inside. It might hurt like hell right now, but when it was over, I had hope he would feel better and see his future more clearly. As well as realize he had people in his life who loved and cared about him.
Who wanted him to remain on this Earth. Who wanted him to be happy and whole again and no longer fractured into pieces.
As soon as his body hiccuped, he clenched his teeth and turned away from me.
To hide his falling apart. To hide those tears.
I knew what it was like because in the past, I had shed them myself. And like most men raised to believe that crying showed weakness, the truth was, doing so was cathartic.
He needed to allow himself this. He would never be able to move on and heal if he didn’t face everything ripping him apart. Especially if he only ignored it and kept it packed away.
However, he wasn’t the only one hurting, I hurt for him, too.
I wished I could help ease his pain, even if only a little. Despite my wish, this was a path he needed to take himself. I couldn’t do it for him. I could only walk alongside him and stay within reach in case he needed me.
Timber stood between us, his head tilted as he listened to Chase’s attempt at smothering his sobs. I nudged my dog out of the way and pressed my naked chest to Chase’s bare back. Hooking an elbow around his neck and an arm around his middle, I pulled him into me.
Immediately, he tensed, every muscle once again turning to concrete. Enfolding him in my arms felt like hugging a concrete statue.
It would take time to rid himself of everything he kept locked up deep inside. He might not realize it now, but every minute of that extraction would be worth it. A little short-term suffering could ease the long-term pain.
As we stood at the window, I embraced him for what seemed like hours, when in actuality it might’ve only been ten minutes.
Even after his cries turned silent, his tears were still deafening.
Once his breathing finally shallowed and he relaxed in my arms, he began to slip to the floor, no longer having the energy to hold up his own weight.
I went with him, not willing to break our connection. I wanted him to know I was there for him as long as he needed me.
Placing my lips at his temple, I vowed, “You can fight me all you want, but I’ve got you and I’m not letting you go.”
I wasn’t going anywhere. Wild grizzlies would have to rip me away.
After digging through his cabinets, I found a jar of pasta sauce and a box of spaghetti, so that was what I made him later that night, once I could convince him to eat. We ended up eating outside on the porch overlooking the lake.
More like, I ate and he picked at his food. A happy Timber scarfed down some of his leftovers.
Even though I caught Chase staring at the water, he made no more mention of his wedding ring. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t go back in to search for it the second I left.
So, I didn’t.
After washing the dirty dishes, I scrounged around for something more acceptable for Timber to eat besides pasta, then helped an emotionally-drained, physically-exhausted Chase into his bed and crawled in after him.
All without any resistance or a word of complaint from him.
Not even when I curled myself around him, pressed my nose into the back of his neck and held him all night.
Once his breathing turned slow and steady, I finally relaxed enough to allow my eyes to close. I was out in less than a minute since he wasn’t the only one emotionally exhausted.
When I woke up, I woke up alone.
Shooting straight up in bed, it took me a few seconds to gather my bearings. Once I did, I realized…
No Chase. No Timber.
Shit.
My assumption was, if Chase went back into the lake, Timber would be running the shoreline barking at him in excitement.