I doubted that would be anytime soon. A good indicator was him still wearing his husband’s ring, even though the man died a little over two years ago.
Chase was still that “devoted” husband.
While everyone dealt with losing a loved one differently and also at a different pace, after losing Evan, I had learned about and went through the five stages of grief myself: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance.
I couldn’t imagine it was healthy for him to still be stuck in that fourth stage, the darkest stage, even though I had been warned that part could last the longest and be the most difficult. However, until Chase accepted the loss, he couldn’t move on. And I didn’t mean move on in a way he’d forget his husband, but more like adjust to living without his “other half.”
Maybe he simply needed a shove toward the last stage of acceptance.
“C’mon, boy,” I called to Timber while patting my thigh. Stepping off the low stage, I headed toward the front of the store.
When I couldn’t find Chase, I was disappointed that he’d snuck out just as quickly as he’d snuck in and before I got a chance to check in with him.
But what I did find was a half dozen event regulars still gathered near the register, sharing gossip and news, as well as updates about their families.
I stepped behind the counter to ring up books as I listened to the gossip, chatted with the locals and listened to them gush about the chapters I read tonight, all of them excited to get their hands on an early signed copy. Once everyone had their purchases in hand, I hugged the ladies goodnight and shook hands with the men.
It didn’t take long until Timber and I were the only ones left. Finally the store was quiet, but I still had work to do. Besides cleaning up, I needed to put away the folding chairs and take my dog out for a walk. With a glance at the clock, I realized it was already close to nine. Since I’d had a long day of writing, I was ready to curl up in bed to watch an episode of—
The cow bell clanging stopped me in my tracks as I was making my way to the back of the store. I glanced over my shoulder and did a double-take.
Chase was carrying in a big box.
Of what? Split firewood?
Whatever it was sounded heavy when he dropped it onto the front counter. As I headed back toward him, Timber ran ahead of me, immediately planted his furry, traitorous ass on Chase’s foot and leaned into him, giving the man the hard to resist “pet me” eyes.
Chase’s hand automatically went behind his ears to oblige my needy German Shepherd while the man kept his eyes on me as I approached.
If I sat on his foot and gave him those same puppy dog eyes, would he rub me, too?
Nah, he’d probably try to drop kick me across the room.
“Did you stop by to take Timber on his last walk of the day?” I asked with one eyebrow arched.
“I’m not here to walk your dog.”
No shit. “I was surprised to see you show up, even if you were late.”
“I was bored.” He placed his hand on the edge of the box that had the top flaps cut off. “I also wanted to return these to you.”
Return?
I peeked in the box. It was every book he had bought when he came in and wiped out his own shelves.
I lifted my gaze from the box’s contents to him. “You didn’t burn them.” We were barely standing two feet apart. “You couldn’t, could you?”
My body started to vibrate from the inside out. He smelled like the woods. Not a manufactured cologne of sandalwood or forest or some fake scent, but actual trees and leaves and grass. It was intoxicating.
“I’m against burning books.”
Even the deep rumble of his gravelly voice twisted my insides.
I had found him attractive before, but now that I knew he was gay, my libido had gone into overdrive.
Unfortunately, while the man might be hot on the outside, he was bone cold on the inside.
“Even your own,” I concluded. “I’ll refund your money or you can trade them in. Your choice.” When I went to move behind the counter to get to the cash register, he stopped me with a hand to my forearm.
“I don’t need a refund. Give them to someone who can’t afford to buy books.”
As soon as my gaze flicked down to where he held me, he released me immediately. “That’s very… generous of you.”
“I didn’t need them staring back at me.”
“Books don’t have eyes.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do, actually. You couldn’t burn them and you also don’t have the space for them up at your cabin…” I knew that wasn’t the reason, but unlike him, I was trying to be nice about it. “So, you brought them back here for someone else to enjoy. That’s very nice of you.”