Her eyes widened. “You’re acting like some jealous lover, your highness, when we both know this relationship is nothing except for a convenient political alliance.”
A muscle jerked low in his jaw as he stared at her, not speaking, simply looking. She stared back, but her heart was heavy, and her stomach in knots.
Her eyes ran away from him, skittling across the room, landing on the chair that housed the battered green bag. “What’s in there?”
He followed her gaze reluctantly, then turned back to her. “Clothes. Water. Some food.”
“What for?”
“I’m going away,” he grunted, then nodding, a look of resolution on his face.
“Where to?”
“The desert.”
“Where in the desert?”
He frowned. “Does it matter?”
Something important snapped inside Ella. “Damn you, Elon. Damn you to hell.”
His eyes narrowed. “This offends you?”
“You offend me,” she corrected. “You run so hot and cold with me, I have no idea where I stand.” Frustration brought her towards him, her hands pushing at his broad chest. He was an immovable object though, like a huge stone wall. “You tell me you’ve never wanted a woman like you want me and then you disappear, not coming to my room. Until about ten minutes ago I had no idea where you lived in this behemoth of a palace, I had no ability to come to you myself, no way to contact you. You hold all the power, all the control, and you show no restraint in using that power as you see fit. If this is what our marriage is going to be like then I don’t want any part of it.”
She threw the gauntlet down without realising she intended to do any such thing.
“Our marriage is non-negotiable.”
“Liar,” she spat, shaking her head. “You say things like that with no intention of following through.”
“You honestly want to test that theory?”
“You would never force me – or any woman – to marry you,” she said angrily. “You want me to marry you, you want me to marry you because you think I might be pregnant, but if I steadfastly refused, you would have no option but to let me go. So stop with the stupid bravado.”
He glared at her with enough emotion to make her knees feel weak.
“Are you saying you wish to leave?”
Her stomach rolled at the very real prospect he might call her bluff. “No.” She expelled a breath filled with her sadness. “But I’m here because I choose to be, and if you’re not very careful I’ll choose not to be.”
She waited, breath held, wondering how he’d respond, aware she was pushing him further than she’d intended, but needing him to understand how hard-fought her confidence had come.
“You’re right, azeezi. I have no interest in forcing you into this marriage. You are a smart woman and you see our situation for what it is. You must decide if you can live with me as your husband.” His expression was carefully blanked of emotion. “But you should know that I will never let any child of mine be raised outside of Salim.”
What hadthat parting remark been if not a method of coercion? How could he admit she had a right to choose her own destiny at the same time as forcing her back against a wall? He shifted uncomfortably, the sand he usually loved now feeling like needles beneath his back as he tried to settle for the night. Even the stars overhead seemed dull, in judgement of his behaviour.
The problem was, every direction he turned had him acting in an even worse manner than before. Each night he’d gone to her room and made love to her had been for two reasons. Because he couldn’t resist her, but also because he wanted to increase the likelihood she’d conceived their child. He needed an heir, but how could he live with himself when he saw how miserable Ella was becoming? She’d said she wanted a baby, his baby, but had she changed her mind? Was she regretting her quick acquiescence to all this?
Out of nowhere, for the first time in days, he thought of Laurie and her arranged marriage to Fida. She’d been miserable as well and Elon had judged his best friend harshly for what he’d put her through. Laurie had also been acting in everyone else’s interests by agreeing to the match, but Afida had withheld the one thing she deserved – his love. So what did Ella want? What was there within Elon’s grasp to give that could make her happy? Not love, but something.
More independence and agency. The freedom to dictate her own programme of work, initiatives she was passionate about. More access to him. He thought of all the things she’d said and tried to massage them into a single cogent plan that would guide them forward. He had no idea how, but he was determined to come up with a plan that would give Ella everything she wanted. Without losing himself in the process…
She knewhe was still in the desert three days later because she finally screwed up the courage to ask Anya. The chief of staff informed Ella that it wasn’t uncommon for him to stay away for up to a week, communicating with his staff via satellite phone to ensure urgent matters were dealt with.
Ella ignored that, but her heart grew heavy, her soul sad, as she felt his absence every second of every day.
On the fifth day since his departure, something happened that made her want him very badly – confirmation came that she wasn’t pregnant. She hadn’t really believed it was possible, and yet there’d been a part of her that had started to think of their baby as real. She’d started to see herself as a mother, and a crushing form of grief came with the realisation that she wasn’t.