“I felt sorry for you, but that’s not why we had sex. I looked at you and knew of one clear way I could put everything from your mind. I knew you wanted me in the same way I did you, that it had become as important as sleeping and eating and breathing that we be together. I knew I wanted you in a way that was burning me alive. But seeing you so broken by fear, I found it impossible to ignore those feelings for a moment longer, to hell with what Benji asked of me.”
“You succeeded,” she whispered, hollowed out, exhausted and deflated. “When we were together, you eclipsed almost everything else in my life. I finally understood what my mother had been warning me about.”
“And what’s that?”
“Falling in love,” she said, bitterly, too exhausted to care what she was admitting. “Her own career was destroyed by a relationship, by falling pregnant and having me. She never skated professionally again. She raised me to be smarter than she was, to avoid entanglements and demands, to be truly independent.” She squared her shoulders, staring down her nose at Leo even when her insides were churned beyond belief.
“This was never about love,” he said, the words a little strained. “We both agreed to that; that’s why this works.”
“Yes, we did, but you know what they say? Promises are made to be broken.”
The air sparked and buzzed, his eyes held hers for several long seconds. “What are you saying?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“I need to hear it from your mouth. I need to understand—,”
“I fell in love with you.” She managed to make the admission with cool composure, even when inside she was burning up. “It’s that simple, Leo. If I stay here any longer, everything’s going to get harder, worse. I need to go home and get on with my life. I need to get away from you.”
He closed his eyes, nostrils flaring. “This was never about love,” he repeated. “I told you that.”
“Yes, and you expected it to be just that simple.”
“It always has been.”
It was awful to be reminded of how many times he’d done this, how many women he’d seduced, delighted, adored, only to cast away when it suited him, and it was impossible to believe she was the only one who’d wanted more from him. “I highly doubt that.”
“You think I’m lying?”
“I think you’re stupid.”
He made a dark sound, like a laugh, but without a hint of humour, then crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh?”
“You honestly believe it’s that simple? That every woman you’ve ever been with has felt as cut and dried about love and commitment as you? That just because you’re crystal clear at the start of an entanglement, things don’t shift along the way?”
“Yes.”
The answer was too swift; he wasn’t allowing even the slightest possibility for her to be right.
“Then you have no idea how charming you are.”
“I want you to be happy, Mila. I have wanted that all along.”
“It’s not your job to make me happy, nor your job to rescue me. You think you owed some debt to Benji? Fine. Consider it absolved. But don’t involve me any further.”
“Hang on. Don’t change the subject.”
“It’s all the same subject,” she rejected with an angry glance thrown in his direction. “You, Benji, stupid deals and machismo. God, what a mess.”
“If you truly believe this is who I am, then how the hell can you say, in the same breath, that you love me?”
“Because obviously my mother was right. Love is for fools, a stupid, stupid pastime, yet here I am, so freaking in love with you I’d walk through the fires of hell if you asked it of me.”
“I’m asking you to stay two more nights and you won’t even consider it.”
Anger exploded in her chest. “Don’t act as though I’m letting you down in some way. I’m being honest with you, Leonidas. I’m telling you the truth. What you’re asking of me is too much. It’s too risky for me.”
“What is the risk?”