FROM THE DESK OF ELISE SASINI, A NOTE SCRIBBLED ON THE BACK OF A BODEGA RECEIPT FOR ONE MNT DEW, A THREE PACK OF MEGA FREEZE MINT GUM, AND A BAG OF JALAPENO CHEDDAR CHIPS :
Where does he go? Someone has to know. SF is the biggest small town in the country. Everyone knows everyone. How can he have lived here for over a century and no one knows who he is/where he goes? Must live outside of the city. Why come back, tho?
He’d never kissedanyone before. He wondered if it was always so…
Much.
Was it normal to feel like he couldn’t be close enough to her? Did a human man kiss someone and want more with every passing second? Cal floundered under the onslaught of conflicting desires — to be closer, to tear himself away, to search for that mysterious more he couldn’t quite grasp.
When Elise’s hands slid up his chest to curl over his bare shoulders, he shuddered. Her skin was so warm against his. So different, but tantalizing. He’d never felt more comfortable in his flesh than he did when she grounded him there, her nails scraping gently at the slopes of his muscle and bones. She stepped closer, her head tipping back to a more comfortable angle, and made a soft sound of encouragement in the back of her throat.
He let out a low whuff of air against her lips, astonished by the headiness of touching her.
Yes, this was a good idea, he thought, the agony of his indecision firmly cast out. Yes. Yes.
Cal wrestled with himself over what he wanted from her, what he was willing to give her. He wanted to turn her down. His secrets were his own. He’d given his entire life to the city as penance for his crimes. He didn’t owe anyone anything more.
And yet, when he thought of her sunny smile and the pulse of her magic over his skin, he could not shake the hollow ache that settled into his soul, that great fissure she had opened up in him. Cal was not experienced, but he understood that connection was a rare and coveted thing. Perhaps being so alone meant he understood it all the better.
Was he willing to toss away his first chance at exploring that connection with another being just to stay exactly as he was?
No.
There was no telling how this might damage him, and he wasn’t even certain she would agree to his terms, but Cal wasn’t a fool. He wanted to grasp this chance at that mysterious, tantalizing something with both hands.
And now that he held her in his arms, pressed his lips to hers, he knew there was no way he would regret this. Even if this woman somehow managed to break him into pieces, even if she betrayed him at the first opportunity, he would not regret this experiment in intimacy.
Elise’s hands drifted down to trace the contours of his arms. He felt every drag of her fingertips and every soft, rapid exhale of her breath as she pulled back enough to speak.
“I… I think you need to tell me exactly what you want out of this deal,” she said, voice husky.
Cal opened his eyes to find her staring up at him. Her eyes were wide and her cheeks were a deep pink. The light of the moon glinted off of the tips of her lashes. Elise was beautiful, but Cal had seen plenty of beauty in his lifetime. What was it about her that captivated him?
The source of his attraction was exactly what he intended to find out. Amongst other things.
“I want to know what it’s like to be…” Cal struggled to find the right word. Didn’t the races all use different words for the same thing? All he could come up with was the word his only friend used. “Mated,” he finished, nodding. “I want to know what it’s like to be mated.”
Elise blinked. The hot pink of her blush began to cool. “That… uh, that’s a big ask, Cal.”
“Why?” He frowned. Smoothing his fingers through the loose strands of her hair just because he liked the texture of it, he asked, “Why is it a big deal? Don’t couples do that sort of thing all the time? Explain.”
“Well, yes, but not typically as an exchange for something.” Her eyes darted to the side as he skimmed his fingertips through her hair. Was she shy? Or did he make her nervous?
Elise’s cheeks were flushed when she continued, “What you’re saying could mean anything from we hold hands and eat dinner together to you want to have sex with me whenever you want. The first one I can do, but the second one…”
Cal shook his head, suddenly aware of the vast hole in his vocabulary. What did he mean? Certainly not that she should feel coerced into having sex with him. He could theoretically get that anywhere and from anyone. That wasn’t what he meant. Unfortunately, he lacked the experience to really articulate what he did mean.
Frustrated, he tried to explain, “No, I don’t want that. I want… I want to know what it’s like to have everything.”
Elise’s brow wrinkled. “You said that before. Everything. What does that mean?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. Cal blew out a breath and forced himself a few steps away from her. Being too close made an already confusing series of impulses that much worse. “I want to know what it’s like to not just be this. I want to have a life like yours. Like everyone else. I want to know how it feels to live like you do, to have a person to be with. Just to see what it’s like.”
“You want to experience a relationship,” she replied, expression clearing. Elise propped her hands on her hips. “Okay. I think I know what you’re asking for.”
“Do you?” He narrowed his eyes at her. Cal barely understood what he struggled to put into words. How could she figure it out so quickly?
“Yes, I think I do.” Elise peered at him, her expression thoughtful. “How about this: For however long it takes to write the book, you and I can be… we can explore what people in a relationship do. We can have dinner. Spend time together. If you want to know what it’s like to be in a couple, we can do couple things. How does that sound?”