“Do not say that I can’t know what I want because I’m inexperienced,” he growled. “I know now that you’ve been cautious with me, taking care of me. I don’t need that. I just need to know that you want me as much as I want you.”
Elise’s throat felt scraped raw. Her heart beat so fast and hard, it felt like it might break through the cage of her ribs, leaving nothing but splinters behind. This was what she wanted, but she still warred with herself.
Gods, she wanted to love this man until the breath left her body for the last time, but the fear of somehow taking a natural choice from him was excruciating.
Cal deserved a life and choices. He deserved every experience, every joy, but those things were stolen from him. To count herself as one of the many who simply took from him without regard for what was healthy or right made her feel sick to her stomach.
And yet, when the seconds dragged by without her response, Elise realized something else: By not being honest with him, she was doing exactly that.
Cal’s expression had begun to drain of its intensity, leaving nothing but a stark, beautiful mask. There was nothing left of his vibrant, difficult personality — just staggering pain. Even his fog went still as he took her silence for a rejection.
He released her neck with a quick, jerky movement and recoiled, the edges of his form already fading from view as he retreated into the safety of his other form.
“No, Cal!” Elise lunged, freeing herself from her tangled blankets to tackle him back onto the bed. She knew instinctively that if she let him dematerialize and drift back out of her window, she would never see him again.
And that wasn’t a fucking option.
“No, no,” she said, straddling his waist. Cal’s hands snapped up to cup her backside as she leaned down. Her hair fell in a messy blonde curtain around their heads when she whispered against his stiff lips, “I want you, Cal. I don’t want to go a day of my life without seeing you. I want to kiss you and hold you and deal with your brooding for the rest of my life. I’ve known it since the day you walked into my apartment.”
Cal’s fingers flexed, pressing hard against soft skin covered in thin sleep shorts. His voice was a raw murmur when he asked, “The deal?”
“I threw it out of my head that same day.” She pressed her hands to his naked chest. His heartbeat was just as fast as hers, a thunderous rhythm against her palm. Elise touched her forehead to his and whispered, “All I cared about was keeping you around, Cal. I don’t even care about the book.”
“But…” She could feel his brow crinkle. “I saw you writing.”
She felt herself flush. “Well, it would have been weird if I didn’t at least pretend to write something, wouldn’t it?”
Cal’s hands slid down her thighs. His palms left her shorts to skim down her bare skin, sending a low pulse of heat through her body. “So you didn’t actually write anything down?”
“No, I wrote something,” she amended, sitting up a little so she could get a good look at his face. Cal was spread out beneath her, his mane of white hair haloed around his aquiline face and his eyes half-lidded. His fingertips dug into the soft flesh of her thighs, dimpling her skin.
Perhaps sensing her hesitancy, he demanded, “Tell me what you wrote.”
Elise licked her lips and tried very hard not to be distracted by the beautifully naked man lying beneath her. “I… It’s more of a love letter, if I’m being honest. I wrote down what you told me, but I also wrote a lot about… well, about how I feel. About what I think of you. All of it.”
Cal stared up at her with a familiar, hungry expression. “And how do you feel?”
She tried to shake off the bizarrely sentimental urge to cry. Elise wasn’t normally a weepy sort of person, but the relief she felt was so intense, it was like her body needed some cathartic release to process it all.
In a watery voice, she answered, “I’m stupidly in love with you, Cal.”
Infuriatingly, all he said was, “So… we’re permanent.”
It was her turn to scowl. Sitting back so she could look down her nose at him, she muttered, “I sure hope so, or else I’m going to be very upset, very soon.”
He was still beneath her for several awful seconds before a heartstopping smile broke out across his face. Cal so rarely smiled in earnest, but when he did, it damn near knocked Elise’s world sideways.
Nodding to himself and looking very pleased, he said, “Kaz was right. Stupid questions are better.”
A laugh bubbled up and out of her throat. “What?”
Cal slid his hands back up to curl around her waist. His eyes gleamed when he asked, “If you love me and we’re mates, does that mean you’re not going to be careful anymore?”
Elise sucked in a sharp breath when he gently pushed her down onto the swiftly hardening erection trapped between them. Desire, pushed back by worry, came roaring back in an instant. She wanted nothing more than to chase away the ache with a quick strip and slow, sensual ride.
Still, she had to ask, “Are you sure, baby? That’s a big step.”
“Will it be like the annex?” His voice was rough as he slowly began to move her hips back and forth, dragging her against him in a torturous rhythm.