I sit back in my seat, laying my head against the couch and closing my eyes to keep from crying.
“They mutilated her with all those treatments,” I cry desperately. “She’s a skeleton. There isn’t much left of her, all because of what they did.”
A slight giggle escapes from my grandma, and I bolt up straight on the lumpy couch.
“It’s not funny,” comes my voice tightly. “If you saw what I saw, you’d have second thoughts too.”
But Nana is unperturbed.
“Oh honey, don’t be so dramatic,” she admonishes. “Mutilated? That seems a little far out. After all, Heather did it willingly, yes? She wasn’t tied down and forced to go through the fertility treatments, right? No one told her to stop living altogether.”
“I gu- guess not,” comes my stammer.
Patty clucks then.
“See? She had a choice. And so did they. They tried and tried and when they found out that what they wanted was impossible, the men moved on. Furthermore, it sounds like they tried to do right by her.”
“No, that’s not it,” I say slowly. “What the Morgans did to her was wrong. They left her with nothing.”
“Nothing by whose standards?” Patty asks sharply. I open my eyes to see her raising an eyebrow at me. “They bought her a house, a nice one at that, and furnished it. The men pay her bills, her bank account’s overflowing. How many women have all that? Not many. If you ask me, I think this Heather woman needs to suck it up and move on.”
What? That’s some straight talk and my head whirls.
“I’m not sure,” comes my stammer. Could my grandma be right? “I’m not sure,” come my weak words once more.
But Patty is adamant.
“They couldn’t give themselves anymore,” Patty says. “So they gave what they could. They tried, and that’s what counts.”
I sit, stunned and silent. My grandmother has seen a world war. She was on the front lines for women’s rights in the workplace. To hear her take the Morgans’ side is flabbergasting and downright strange.
“Nana,” I try again, taking a deep breath. “Even if I can get past this, what if I can’t give them the baby they want? Will I end up banished somewhere? Wasting away? Forgetting who I was before they came along?”
Patty gives me a keen, eagle-eyed appraisal. “I’m pretty sure that’s not going to be an issue, now is it?”
I turn sharply, sucking in a shocked breath.
“What?”
But Patty nods knowingly.
“I’d say you’re a couple of months along, sweetheart, so it seems like your fears are unfounded. Am I right?”
My nod is soundless, eyes wide, almost daring not to breathe.
“It’s the glow, darlin’,” Patty chuckles. “I’ve been around a long line of pregnant ladies in my years and I can see it from a mile away. Your skin is bright; your hair is shiny. Expectant mothers just glow.”
Tears prick at my lashes. Patty puts her hands on my shoulders and looks me dead in the eye now.
“This world is complicated and messy sometimes,” she says seriously. “People have agendas, they play politics. They mess with each other to be cruel, or to get ahead. But those boys have been honest with you. They were honest with that Heather. And due to no fault of her own, she lost the men she loved. Sometimes things don’t work out. But that’s just life, and you have to live your best one. Yours, not hers.”
But that can’t be true. This is my business. This is how I’ll be treated if I can’t produce.
“I don’t agree,” come my slow words. “This is everything to me.”
Patty looks at me closely then, weighing her words carefully now.
“Honey, I never wanted to say this, but you’re not turning out to be very smart.”
At that, I jump in my seat, literally jerking backwards until my head bumps the wall painfully.
“What?” I gasp, eyes wide, whirling on my grandma. “What?” Nana’s never called me names before.
“Just sayin’,” she shrugs her thin shoulders. “I thought you were different from Marsha, but you’re not showing any promise.”
“What?” my voice almost screeches now. “What are you talking about?” It’s a nightmare to be compared to my mother.
“Haven’t you heard of leaving the past in the past?” Patty says forcefully now. “Move on! This woman is in their past. If I had a dime for every ex your grandfather had, I’d be a millionaire.”
I bite my lip. Of course. I shouldn’t be digging in my lovers’ romantic history, but still.
“Okay,” I say tightly. “Okay, I’ll try to put it behind me.”
“That’s right,” says Patty, nodding her head with approval. “You can’t help Heather anymore. And she shouldn’t be your business.”
Man, that’s an honest way of putting it. Slowly, I nod my head once. But Patty’s not done yet.
“Besides, you seem to be using them as well,” she tosses out casually, cocking her head once more. “You know, using goes both ways honey.”