But she let it. She didn’t try to hide it.
Because there might be hell to pay later, so there was no point pretending now.
“That was nice enough, Dylan, thanks,” she told him, in a voice that sounded cracked and torn and as thoroughly debauched as the rest of her. “But is that really all you’ve got?”
CHAPTER NINE
OFALLTHEmistakes Dylan had made in his lifetime, most of them concerning Jenny, this one was the worst.
The absolute worst of all. He knew it, and there was nothing for it.
It was done.
He helped her get to her feet, unable to keep himself from grinning as she fell against him, and laughed uproariously. For all intents and purposes, she looked drunk.
On him.
“I understand you’re underwhelmed, Jenny,” he murmured. “But any reasonable person would have to describe your particular behavior just now as a bit giddy, don’t you think?”
He was already hard again, because this was Jenny and he had years to make up for. He watched her as she pulled her clothes back on, then did nothing more with her hair than run a hand through it. And like that, she was once again the very picture of casual elegance.
“I’ll concede what happened was indeed a fucking,” she said, as if they were back in Oxford, studying something boring. She even managed to look prim, as if he hadn’t just been inside her. “But whether or not it wasproper, I couldn’t say. I don’t have any context, do I?”
“I think your whole life until now would qualify as context,” he said dryly.
“You’ve taught me the difference between a shag and a fuck.” She sketched a little curtsy that was so cute he thought his chest might crack open. “But now I think we need to turn our attention to what makes for aproperfucking, which as you may recall was what the doctor ordered.”
He was leaning back against the counter, near her but not touching her. Because if he touched her again, he would repeat what had just happened. And as tempting as that was, he had a powerful need to put this woman in his bed, at last. Then take his sweet time. Over and over again, until he lost track.
And before she woke in the bright light of a new day and thought better of all of this.
“Your wish is my command, as always,” he told her.
She laughed at that, as if it wasn’t the humbling truth of his entire adult life. His guiding star, even. His true north had always been Jenny, and he suspected it always would be, whether she was married or not. But that was one more thing he kept to himself.
He threw open the door, watching Jenny turn red as she noticed that he hadn’t bothered to lock it. And he liked the way she blushed so much that he decided not to tell her that there was no need to lock the door when the staff was perfectly well trained to take care of any possible interlopers. Why ruin her fantasy that she could have been walked in on at any time?
Dylan led her out a different door than the one they’d come in, this one higher up the hill, where a car waited for them. Because he didn’t feel like driving them home tonight, as that might require he take his hands off her.
And he might only have this one night. He couldn’t let himself forget that for a second. He had to make the most of it.
But when Dylan settled in the backseat beside her, he wasn’t prepared for the way Jenny melted into his side. Shesnuggledinto him, then dropped her head to his shoulder. As if they’d done this a thousand times before and she knew she would fit next to him so well. As if it was normal for them to cuddle up in the backseat of a car, or anywhere else.
And what killed him was that it felt perfectly normal. It felt right. Everything with Jenny always did and always had. That was just one of the many ways she’d ruined him from the start.
Because there was no having her. There was only losing her.
He’d made a decision a long time ago to make himself over into whoever and whatever she needed, even if that meant not getting what he wanted. That meant he got a hell of a lot more than any of those idiots who’d tried to be her boyfriend.
Tonight he’d crossed every last line he’d ever drawn.
He could boss everything around as he pleased, and did, but he had no control over his own damned heart.
And he had to sit with that, staring out the window as the lights of Sydney blurred together in front of him. Jenny was a soft weight against him, her breath slow and even and her face buried against his shoulder.
For once in his life, he had everything he’d ever wanted. And more than he’d imagined was possible.
Enjoy it, mate,he told himself darkly.