‘Sorry foreverything.’ He lifted both hands in a gesture that was at once open and weary, as if he carried an impossibly heavy weight. ‘If I could eradicate everything I said that day I would. I’mashamedof the accusations I threw at you. That’s why I came, to apologise.’
Mina stared, grappling to connect this desperate man with the one she recognised. They were both Alexei, both real, but this one, with the anguished eyes, was new.
‘You were right, Mina. I need to take responsibility for my actions. Instead I got wrapped up in my disappointment.’
‘Disappointment?’ At last she found her voice. ‘It was more than that. It was rage.’
He inclined his head, but paused as if gathering himself. His mouth lifted in a bitter curve.
‘You probably won’t believe this, but I’m renowned for never losing my cool, even when things go badly wrong, even in highly pressured situations. I don’t waste energy on anger because I prefer to focus on fixing things and moving on.’
Mina opened her mouth to argue when Alexei put up his hand. ‘Please, hear me out.’ Reluctantly she nodded and watched as he drew a breath that expanded his chest mightily. He looked intimidatingly big and bold and heartbreakingly desirable, yet his expression indicated a pain that might even match her own. She didn’t understand what he wanted but she had to hear him out.
His hands dropped. ‘As a kid I had a lot of anger, directed at my stepfather. Then at the people who harried my mother into an early grave. But I learned to control my feelings and focus on the future. It worked. Once I had that goal I had somewhere to channel my energies.’
Alexei waved an impatient hand. ‘Sorry. Too much information.’
Mina was fascinated. But she was desperate to discover why he’d come. ‘Get to the point, Alexei.’
A brief smile curled his lips but it wasn’t reflected in his eyes. ‘The point is I never lose control. Only twice. First when I discovered Ralph Carter had swindled the company and betrayed me.’ His voice dropped to a sombre note. ‘I’d trusted him, you see. The first person I’d actually trusted in...’ He waved a dismissive hand again. ‘Not that it matters.’
It mattered. It didn’t take an expert to understand Alexei had major trust issues.
‘Then, when I realised you weren’t who you said, I lost it. Totally.’ He shook his head and the lock of dark hair that had been combed back ruthlessly from his forehead tumbled over his brow, reminding her of the rumpled, gorgeous beachcomber she’d known in the Caribbean.
Brilliant green eyes focused on Mina. ‘I told myself I was furious because you’d fooled me, that you and Carissa were laughing at me. I know now you weren’t. But at the time all I could feel was hurt that I’d believed in you,trustedyou and you’d betrayed that trust.’
There was that word again.
Alexei stood straighter. ‘I lashed out because I cared for you, Mina. I wanted more from you than I’d ever wanted with anyone else. That’s why I was furious. Because I hoped...’ He stopped and she leaned forward, eager for more. ‘As I said, it doesn’t excuse my behaviour. You didn’t deserve that and I apologise.’
Mina stared, trying to read his thoughts. She saw regret and shame. But what else?
‘What did you hope, Alexei?’ Her nerves were shredded, her heart racing.
Those stunning, familiar eyes locked on hers. ‘I’d hoped we might have a future together.’ His voice dropped. ‘I’d even wondered how you felt about children.’
Mina gaped at him. ‘But we’d only known each other a week.’
He shrugged, the usually fluid movement jerky. ‘I trust my instinct. A week was long enough for me to feel things I’ve never felt before.’
‘Things?’ Her breath was a shallow draught of oxygen scented with warm male. Her brain froze.
Large hands took hers, their touch gentle yet compelling.
‘Emotions. Not just desire but affection. Trust. Pride. Caring.’ His eyes clouded. ‘Not that you’d think so, the way I went for you when the truth came out.’ His hands tightened on hers. ‘The way I overreacted has nagged at me ever since.’
Mina watched him swallow. ‘It made me realise the way I’ve stifled my emotions all these years isn’t healthy. I’m determined to learn a better way to deal with my feelings. I need to make changes.’
Mina stared into Alexei’s determined features, her emotions splintering in a dozen directions.
Wonder that he was here, baring his soul.
Sadness that his childhood experiences had affected him so profoundly.
Pride that he should confront his problems head-on and take action. Most men would run a mile from the idea of examining emotions and their own behaviour.
Regret that Alexei took all the blame when there’d been fault on both sides.