‘Aurelio?’ Amber’s hand slid down his arm and the word was a breath of warm air across his chest since she was snuggled up against him, her head on his collarbone. ‘Are you okay?’
Aurelio dragged in a deep breath and opened his eyes, taking in the sunlight around the edges of the curtained windows. He didn’t need to look at his watch to know it was late. So late they’d probably missed this morning’s meeting. For the moment that paled into insignificance.
‘I’m…okay.’
His voice didn’t sound right even to his own ears. So it didn’t surprise him when Amber wriggled against him, turning so she could prop herself up above him. Prop her smooth, naked, soft body against him.
Inevitably, as if they hadn’t spent the night having sex, arousal stirred. She did that to him every time. Made him eager and ready. Made him even think about wanting more than sex, though he knew more was impossible. He couldn’t, wouldn’t go through that again.
‘You’re a bad liar, Aurelio.’ Her lips curved into a smile but her eyes were wary.
Who could blame her? He was wary too. He didn’t understand these emotions Amber stirred up. They stole his peace and confounded all his certainties.
She moved and a swathe of dark hair spilled across him, an abandoned caress. Aurelio planted his palms on her hips, as much to stop his hands roving her body as to stop her moving again.
Yet her soft skin distracted him. With difficulty he yanked his mind from her body. He couldn’t give voice to his disquiet, but there was one difficulty he had to raise.
‘There is one thing.’
Amber nodded, her gaze steady, waiting. Guilt shafted through him. This was his fault. Utterly, completely his. He’d never been in this situation before.
‘I forgot to use a condom last night. Twice.’ Because the second time had come so hard upon the first. He hadn’t even pulled free of Amber’s body before he was powering into her again, filled with a desperation to claim her that went beyond any bounds he’d previously known.
After that he’d used protection but there was a chance it was already too late.
That realisation stirred a jumble of feelings. There was disbelief at his uncharacteristic behaviour and fear that one lapse was enough for consequences that would last a lifetime.
But there was more. Thinking through what happened stirred even more disturbing revelations. Including a deep-rooted emotion he couldn’t name at the idea of impregnating Amber with his seed. It couldn’t be satisfaction, could it? That didn’t make sense to a man whose path in life was as a loner.
Aurelio became aware, finally, that Amber hadn’t reacted, except for a slight widening of those bright eyes and a quickening of her breath.
‘Amber, did you hear me? I’m clean. You wouldn’t catch anything from me, but it’s just possible I’ve made you pregnant.’
The words sounded unreal.
Unreal but strangely…
No! He was imagining things.
Finally he got a reaction. She blinked, her eyes clouding as the news sank in.
‘Don’t worry.’ The words spilled out. ‘If anything happens I’d look after you.’
Even saying it made his chest tighten as if caught in a huge vice. But he meant it. Even if the very idea was almost too catastrophic to contemplate.
‘You mean that?’ Amber’s voice wobbled, her mouth turning down at the corners as if tugged by strong emotion.
Aurelio swallowed, trying to moisten his suddenly parched mouth. The idea of a baby, of commitment and permanency was the stuff of nightmare. But at the same time it was obvious she needed reassurance.
‘You’d stick by me?’ She looked so intense, her gaze needle sharp.
‘Of…course.’ He smiled, but suspected it didn’t reach his eyes. For he sensed her idea of him sticking by her and his were different. Aurelio knew he could never commit to a permanent relationship. The thought of it iced his bones. But he could provide money to support her. To provide for a baby.
Bright eyes scrutinised him so intently he was sure his face must be burned on Amber’s retinas.
‘Say something,’ he said finally, discomfited by that stare.
‘What do you want me to say? Tell you it’s okay because I’m on the pill and there’s no chance of pregnancy?’ Her words were tight, almost confrontational.