But today, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. Instead, my form dropped limply to a nearby couch, and I gulped.
“Are you going to p-propose?” I stammered in a small voice, my heart practically beating out of my chest. “What’s going on?”
Those blue eyes gleamed. At first I thought I’d gotten it all wrong. That somehow I’d misread the situation. Oh god. I was ready to drop through the floor from sheer embarrassment. But to my delight, Mace suddenly dropped to one knee before me.
“Sweetheart,” he rasped hoarsely, taking a hand in mine. “I’ve never had a woman tell me she loves me before.”
I just stared at him for a moment.
“You haven’t?” I squeaked. “But how is that possible?”
Mace’s eyes darkened for a moment as he squeezed my hands tighter.
“It’s because I’ve never been boyfriend material,” he growled. “I’ve been a fucking asshole when it comes to women. I use them and abuse them, and then toss ‘em by the side of the road without thinking twice.”
My face flushed.
“You were never like that with me,” I whispered. “It doesn’t even seem like you.”
Here, his gaze grew even more intense.
“It’s because I’ve never felt about someone the way I feel about you,” he growls. “You’ve changed my world, Melly. You’ve made me into a new man, which is a hard thing to pull off. I’m forty, sweetheart, and old dogs don’t learn new tricks. But somehow you did it.”
I look at him, flabbergasted.
“But Mace, I didn’t do anything,” is my soft whisper. “You’ve always been kind and caring.”
Those blue eyes flashed.
“No sweetheart,” he growls again. “I’m only nice because of you. You’ve made me this way. With everyone else, I’m a complete asshole, but you’ve made me seen the error of my ways. There’s more to life than being some hardcore businessman who only cares about making money. There’s life to see, and live, and enjoy, not to mention to revel in. And I want to do that with you by my side,” he finishes fiercely.
But those words, while carrying me to the top of the world, also make my heart come crashing down. Because what if Mace only feels this way because he has cancer? What if this is an “As I Lay Dying” type of moment where the sinner only decides to change his ways when faced with the prospect of death?
I don’t want to ask these questions. It would be so much easier just to take the simple route. Accept his proposal. Put his ring on my finger. Become Mrs. Mace Jackson and live that false life. But I don’t want to because my self-respect would never be the same. I need to be true to myself, as well as this man, and so I take a deep breath.
“Mace,” I say slowly. “I know this isn’t the right time, and it might never be the right time,” are my words. “But I have to ask. Are you only saying this because you’re on your deathbed?”
The alpha male understands what I’m saying immediately. He lets out a short, sharp bark.
“Do you mean am I a changed man because of the cancer?” he quips, one eyebrow quirked.
I blush.
“Well yes,” I stammer, staring down at my hands. “It’s kind of like someone who’s gone through a horrific car accident. They literally see their life flash before their eyes, and when they come out of it alive, they swear they’re going to change their ways. Is that you, Mace? Is that what you’re feeling right now? Not because I’m so amazing, or that we’re in love, which of course are wonderful things,” I stress hurriedly. “I don’t doubt you on that aspect at all. It’s just that … well, I kind of wonder if it’s the disease talking.”
I feel ashamed for even putting voice to these words. Because how can I treat a dying man this way? How can I force him to look into his soul, and answer these devastating questions? But my man is a true alpha male and he takes my chin in one big hand, those blue eyes boring deep into my brown ones.
“I know why you’re asking,” he says, his voice choked. “I understand, and you have a point, Melissa. But the truth is that I really feel these things because of you, and even without the illness, I still think these changes would happen because of you. Things are mixed-up right now what with our attempts to conceive and the prostate issues,” he acknowledges, that handsome profile anguished. “So I understand your need for clarity. But deep down, I know what I feel. I know that the changes to my lifestyle and what I want are because of you. I know it with a certainty, and I’m willing to swear to it on my mother’s grave.”