“Go slower,” I’ll yawn sleepily. “Take a break.”
But Mace never listens. He wants to sate himself again and again, and often just rolls me over and puts it inside as I gasp and squeal once more.
So yeah, that’s our loving. No long, languorous walks on the beach. No comfortable afternoons where we read books sitting on different couches, our hands entangled. Instead, Mace Jackson is a man possessed. His clock’s ticking, and he’s out to make the most of his time on Earth, which in our case, includes making a baby.
And as for me? Sometimes I’m not sure how I feel about “us,” to be honest. On the one hand, of course I’m physically in his thrall. I can’t resist the alpha male’s body, and that cock keeps me up all night in the best of ways. Plus, I’m over the moon about the fact that we’re trying to get pregnant. It’s a dream come true, especially with an alpha male at my beck and call.
But at the same time, my heart’s a little sore. There’s a niggling feeling of doubt that I do my best to quash most times, but it still comes up. Because does Mace only want me because I’m available and willing? Am I the last stop on a dying man’s journey? Am I just a uterus and a set of ovaries that happened to be on offer at exactly the right time? Or is there something deeper and more real to this?
Because I shouldn’t have these doubts. I was the one who brought up pregnancy and fertility, and assured him that this was what I wanted. And it is. But at the same time, sometimes I feel insecure because although we’ve never really spoken about it, I feel something for the man. It boils in my soul. It happens when I wake up and catch him watching me as I sleep. It breaks my heart when I see him hurt, depressed or sad. I want to help him in any way possible.
So I’ll run to Mace, pressing my lips to his cheek while massaging those broad shoulders.
“It’s okay,” I’ll whisper, not even knowing what he’s upset about. “We’ll figure it out.”
And those blue eyes will flash up to meet mine, seizing my heart.
“Will it be okay, Dr. Carter?” he’ll growl. “It doesn’t seem okay sometimes, at least not for my vantage point.”
And that’s when the words catch in my throat. Because this is a man with a poor prognosis. He hasn’t gone back for more tests, but given the sky-high levels of that last bloodwork, the future’s pretty grim. My alpha male probably doesn’t have long on this Earth, and as a result, he wants to make the most of his time.
Leonie waves her hand in front of my face.
“Earth to Melissa, Earth to Melissa,” she calls. “You okay in there?”
I jolt back to reality.
“Sorry,” is my half-hearted smile. “Just got lost in my thoughts.”
Leonie nods understandingly, but I can tell she wants to say something as well.
“What is it?” I sigh. “Just spit it out.”
My friend bites her lip before looking at me again.
“You know I’m super excited to hear that you and Mace have this amazing, splendiferous sex life and all,” she says, nodding at the book. “By the way, would you mind putting that elsewhere? No offense but it’s kind of gross to have it on the breakfast table.”
Without a word, I whip it off the table and back to the bookshelf silently.
“Thanks,” Leonie says while slowly spreading jam on a second English muffin. “But what I was saying is that while you and Mace are clearly in love ….”
“What?” I ask, head jerking back and eyes snapping. “What do you mean, in love?”
Leonie sighs and just finishes buttering up her muffin.
“Well, it’s clear,” she says, her voice firm. “You talk about him all the time. You’re barely even in your apartment anymore because you’re always at his. You have crazy sex where you play out scenes from your romance novels,” she says meaningfully. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”
I giggle slightly despite myself.
“So pretending to be Fabio is a true sign of love?” I ask archly.
Leonie wiggles her brows.
“Well yes!” she exclaims. “I mean, seriously Mel. You have to admit that the role-play is pretty out there. And if he’s indulging you, well then, I’d say he loves you too.”
That makes my mouth snap shut. Because is it true? Is Mace showing me his love in his own way by putting up with my foibles and idiosyncrasies? He’s never said anything about love, that’s for sure. In fact, neither of us have uttered those three words. But still, there are many ways to show your adoration for someone, and maybe Leonie’s up to something.
My friend can sense she’s on a roll, and the blonde goes with it.