‘Lead?’ Gian frowned. ‘Why does it have to lead anywhere?’
‘Because that’s what my heart does.’ Ariana could say it no more honestly than that. ‘My heart wants to know where this might go one day.’
‘I’m offering you the best parts of me, Ariana.’
‘No, you’re offering to keep me tucked away, to flit in and out of my life whenever it’s convenient. Gian, I want my lover by my side. I want to share my life with him, not live a secret. God knows, my parents did enough of that and look how it turned out.’
‘That is so you,’ Gian said. ‘You have to get your own way. Everything has to be now—’
‘I’m not asking for now, Gian,’ Ariana interrupted. ‘I’m asking if there’s a possibility that this might lead to more. You want directness,’ she said. ‘You tell your lovers up front that it will go no further. Well, I’m being direct too and I’m telling you that I want at the very least the possibility of more.’
‘I have no more to give.’
She had known that getting involved with Gian would ultimately hurt her, so why did she feel so unprepared to deal with the pain he so impassively inflicted?
‘No, thank you.’ Her voice was strangely high.
‘Think about it...’
‘I already have.’ She was staring down at the barrel of a future spent mainly alone. Christmases, weddings, the birth of Dante and Mia’s baby, christenings and even funerals...all the things she would have to deal with alone.
Her love unacknowledged and unnamed.
‘I won’t be your mistress, Gian.’ Her response was clearer now, her decision absolutely made. She started to show him the door, but then changed her mind. ‘Actually, before you leave, I have something I need to put to you.’
Gian frowned. He was not used to being told no in this way, particularly when he had offered Ariana more than he’d ever offered anyone. ‘What?’
‘I can’t pretend,’ Ariana said. ‘And I don’t want to keep making the same mistake again.’
‘You think that was a mistake?’ He pointed to the bench where they had both found a slice of heaven just moments ago.
‘Not at that time I didn’t,’ Ariana said. ‘Even now, no, I don’t think it was, but if we make love again then, yes, that would be a mistake.’
‘You make no sense.’
‘I want you to stay away,’ Ariana said. ‘Not for ever, but at least until...’ She swallowed down the words, loath to admit how he turned her on merely by his presence, how with one look, one crook of his manicured finger, she would run to him. ‘Until I can act as if nothing ever happened between us.’
As if I don’t love your soulless heart.
‘I can’t face you in front of my family until I can look at you as if nothing ever happened between us. I have to get to that place where we can do the kiss-kiss thing and...’
She took a breath to steady herself. Right now it seemed like an impossible dream, that one day she might merely shrug when she heard that Gian had arrived.
‘I’d like you to stay away from my brothers’ weddings...’
‘I’m already not going to Stefano’s, but Dante...’ He shook his head. ‘Dante is my closest friend...’
‘Oh, please.’ Ariana found a new strength in her voice then, a derisive one, a scorn-filled one. ‘What would do you care about that? You’ve told me relationships are the very thing you don’t want.’
He couldn’t deny that.
‘So, please, Gian.’ She said it without derision now. ‘If you care about me at all, then do the decent thing and stay away.’
Gian did as she asked.
He stayed away from Dante’s wedding, citing an urgent issue at La Fiordelise Azerbaijan, which he had to deal with personally.
That meant Ariana could smile her red smile at the wedding and have fun with her regular posse of friends.