Brett starts to smear my wetness on my cheek, but when his fingers reach my lips, I part them and dart out my tongue. I even take his fingers into my mouth and suck them.
"And you're hard for me," I say, stepping up against him. My other hand reaches down between us to pat his hard-on through his pants.
Then, I walk away. The kids are all abuzz about us, and I'm afraid Brett is going to chase me down. I went too far. This power play between us… it's dangerous.
It’s familiar.
I’m used to danger.
I’m so sick of running that I crave the danger.
In some very twisted up way, I need this, all of this.
I don’t know if I can ever be put back to rights, if the world will always be this fucked up for me.
But at least for right now, I don’t feel like Brett was the only one to win.
Still, I also feel like I lost a part of myself, and I don’t know if it’s possible for me to get it back.
* * *
That night, I’m beneath my overhang. I’ve been debating with myself for over an hour now if I should just climb onto the bike and ride until I feel safe. Until I find a place I want to start over in. Maybe I should just fake paperwork so I can start a job somewhere. I look old enough to be in college. I don’t always get carded. Why shouldn’t I be able to pass as a college graduate?
But I don’t want Brett to win, and there’s everything with Liam too. Is it true? Did he end up putting a girl in the psych ward? That’s terrible.
There’s nothing worse than bullies.
That’s a fucking lie.
Men like my father are worse than bullies.
Boys like Liam.
Because Liam is not a man. He’s a boy.
And he won’t get away with this.
I’ll find a way to put him in his place.
The Mutineers can do what they want to me. I don’t fucking care, but Liam? If he thinks he’s going to pull shady shit on me, he’s wrong. Dead wrong. I will end him.
And maybe, one day, I’ll look back. I’ll return to Texas after all. And I’ll end my father.
Most likely not, though. Yes, my father is still doing terrible things, I’m sure, but I don’t want to ever see him again. It’s better, far better, for me to stay as far away from him as possible.
So I’ll bring down Liam. Graduate. Go to college.
Everything will work out.
Everything.
I hope.
* * *
My father backhands my mom. She doesn’t cry out. Doesn’t make a sound at all. She just stands there, taking it.
It is as if this has played out for her a hundred times before.