“We headed back to his place. We were going to… you know…”
Erika bursts out laughing. “You have it for him bad, don’t you!”
“You could say that.”
“Why do you sound so miserable, though?”
“Well, because his house wasn’t empty. Ace was there, and he had been drinking, and he asked for a goodbye kiss.”
Erika, who couldn’t shut up, has nothing to say now.
"I don't know what came over me. I stared at his lips, and then Rob nodded, and I thought, why not? Just on the cheek, right? It couldn't hurt anyone. Only Ace turned his head, and we locked lips. Not for long. No tongue. Nothing like that."
“And?”
“And Rob wasn’t happy. Who can blame him, right? I didn’t mean to kiss him, but it happened, and the past can’t be changed. I regretted it as soon as it happened—”
“Did you?” Erika asks softly.
“I just made things even worse because I teased Rob earlier, when we were eating for our food to be served, saying that Ace was hotter than he was, and they are both hot, but I shouldn’t have…”
“Did you regret it?” Erika asks. “You know me. I won’t judge you at all. You and Rob are still figuring everything out. It’s all new and exciting, but you’re just starting college. You’re just getting started on your life. You don’t have to have all of the answers now. Believe me. I don’t have all of the answers either.”
“But you’re happy.”
“Yes. I could be happier, though.”
“What do you mean? What else do you need?”
“For my best friend to be happy too. What do you need for that?”
“I don’t know.” I blow out a breath. “Did I regret it? Yes. Of course I did, but I also didn’t. As wrong as that sounds, I didn’t. Not that I’m going to kiss Ace ever again, and it’s not just Ace either.”
“What else happened?”
“Well, first, to continue the story in order, Rob and I almost sort of fought after Ace left. He saw that I was aiming for Ace’s cheek, that he turned his head, but it still wasn’t… I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him since.”
“You two are going to need to talk.”
"I know." I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Believe me, I know. I went back to my room then, after nabbing some booze from a friend, got hammered, slept it off…" I clear my throat. "When I woke up late, I went to Rob's place, only he wasn't there."
“Ace was?”
“Nope. Just Gabe, and we talked a bit, and we danced some.”
“Danced?”
“I was really tense. Things have been… You know. I’m so worried about my mom and all of that.”
Which is the truth. It’s just not the complete truth.
“So, anyway, he saw how tense I was and gave me a massage. I gave him so ground rules, no boobs or ass, and he kinda grazed my side boob, and I think it really was inadvertent, but maybe it wasn’t. I put him in his place as best as I could, but that massage… the feel of his fingers, his hands on me… He… fuck, Erika, he got an erection, and I got turned on, too, and I’m a whore, aren’t I?”
“You’re asking the girl who is living with and making love to four guys on a daily basis if you’re a whore. Seriously. Come on now. No judgment zone, remember? And besides, not everyone is monogamous. Maybe you and Rob won’t have a conventional relationship either.”
“I just don’t understand why I’m like this. Rob should be enough, and I think he can be, but…”
“Something’s holding you back from being all in with him.”