“Seventeen weeks!” I exclaimed. “How did I not know? I’ve been out drinking—will the baby be okay?” I asked in apanic.
“Try not to worry. Lots of women don’t realize they’re pregnant right away, and everything on the sonogram looks fine. If you were still having a bleed each month and generally feeling well, other than weight gain, you wouldn’t necessarily know. You’re far enough along to find out the sex. Would you like to know?” Dr. Johnson asked me with asmile.
“I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it,” I answered, preoccupied by the fact that I was so far along with thepregnancy.
“We don’t need to look today. Think about it, and you can decide at your nextappointment.”
“Okay,” I saidquietly.
As she removed the probe, the whooshing stopped and the screen returned to black. She pressed a few more buttons on the screen and handed me a roll of several pictures. “I just need to take some blood and give you a prescription for some prenatal vitamins, then you can be on yourway.”
I nodded, still in awe of what I’d seen. “Thankyou.”
“You’re welcome. Can I ask if the father isaround?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m doing this on my own.” Dr. Johnsonnodded.
“She’s not on her own—she has a lot of people around her who love her and support her,” Libby rushedout.
Dr. Johnson smiled at both of us. “Good.”
She took some blood and while I was getting dressed, Aubrey set up my next appointment. She came back in clutching some leaflets along with an appointment card and my prescription. “Here you go.” She handed me everything. “There are a few leaflets for you to look through, things you shouldn’t eat and some other information. Any problems before your next appointment, feel free to give us a call. The number is on the card.” She led us back into the waiting room. “See you next timeSavannah.”
“Thank you, Aubrey,” I said, giving her asmile.
As we made our way outside, Libby linked her arm with mine. “Wow, that was amazing,” she gushed. “How do youfeel?”
“Overwhelmed,” I replied quietly. I reached into my bag and pulled out the strip of pictures Dr. Johnson had given me. “I can’t quite believe that’s growing inside me,” I said in awe as I looked down at them. “I’m having a baby Lib, and sooner than I thought.” Panic swirled in mystomach.
She laughed. “I know Sav. I would have thought you’d realize sooner with the amount of throwing up you’ve been doing.” She paused and reached for my hand. “You look terrified. Everything is going to befine.”
I gave her a small smile. “It just makes everything more real.” I placed my hand on my stomach and shook my head. “Let’s go home. I need to wrap my head around it all before I tell everyone. They’re going to be so disappointed inme.”
“Maybe at first. It will be a shock, but they are your family and they love you,” Libby said, trying to reassure me. I nodded. I hoped she was right; I was dreading seeing the disappointment in my mom’seyes.
“Will you and Mason come over for dinner? I’d like you to be there when I tellthem.”
“Of course.” She paused and I looked over at her. “Are you going to tell Josh?” she askedquietly.
I sighed and looked back down at the pictures in my hands. “I’m sure Brody will tell him. He won’t care anyway—he’s got a new girlfriend, according to Brody.” I hadn’t really seen Josh in a while. I would bump into him occasionally at the house when he came to see Brody, but for the most part, I’d managed to avoid him. We’d all been out as a group a few times in the months after Lib moved to the ranch to be with Mason, and sometimes Josh and I would get along really well, spending the whole night talking and flirting. On those nights, I’d go home with a smile on my face, thinking he might actually like me. Then the next time we’d go out he would either bring a girl with him and I’d have to spend the whole night watching him with someone else, or he’d leave with a girl from the bar. It was exhausting trying to figure out where I stood with him, and after a couple of months, I decided it was easier if I didn’t go out with themanymore.
I made excuses that I was busy with school, and I started going out with a couple of girls from my program who also lived in Marble Falls. They were wild and I became as wild as them, almost transforming into a completely different person when I was with them. Josh had seen me out with them a few times, and he always tried to get me away from whichever guy I was dancing with, seeming pissed that I was having a good time. I was always quick to remind him that it was none of his business, and he’d storm off and leave mealone.
I hated the nights I’d go out and bump into him. It was usually a night when Brody was on a date and Josh was out with the guys he worked with. Seeing him would make me feel like crap, and they were normally the nights I’d go home with someone, desperate to feel something, anything, for someone other than him. The distraction never worked though, and I always ended up wishing it was Josh I was with rather than someone whose name I didn’t evenknow.
I was pretty sure Josh thought I was a slut, and judging by my current condition—single, pregnant, and not a clue who the father was—I would probably have to agree withhim.
After gettinghome from the appointment, I spent the rest of the day in my room. Libby went to meet Mason for lunch; she invited me to join them, but I didn’t want to intrude. I told her I was tired and was going to lie down, and it wasn’t a lie. I was exhausted after the late night the night before and I lay on my bed, texting my mom to let her know Lib and Mason were coming over later before fallingasleep.
I woke up to my stomach rumbling, realizing I’d slept through lunch. Checking my phone, I saw that it was almost 4 in the afternoon. My mom would be home soon to start dinner so I went downstairs to grab a snack to keep me going. When I got into the kitchen, I saw her at the stove, and she turned around as she heard me come in. “Hi honey, I didn’t realize you werehome.”
“Hey Mom,” I replied, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter and sitting down at the table. “I was in my room. You’re homeearly.”
She nodded. “I wanted to get dinner started. You look pale Sav, are you feeling okay?” she asked, concern lacing hervoice.
“I’m okay, just tired,” I replied, dropping my eyes, not able to look at her knowing I waslying.
She gave me a funny look. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been acting different these past few months. I know you’re a grown woman, but I’m still your mom, and I worry about you. I hope you know you can always talk to me, aboutanything.”