“Seeing it and living it are not the same, bruh. Trust me.”
“Butyoumade it.”
Jay heard some subtext in those four words:If even you made it to a patch, how hard could it really be?The first impulse that hit him was violence. But Sam was one who never had treated him like he was less. Maybe just because Sam was younger and used to seeing Jay as older and wiser. Whatever the reason, probably he hadn’t meant that subtext.
So Jay simply nodded. “Yeah, I did. And if you want it, I got your back. I figure your old man or Gun would sponsor you, but if you need a sponsor, I got you.”
The way Sam’s face relaxed and brightened made Jay feel pretty good for the first time today. “Thanks, Jay. That means a lot. Seriously.”
There was a heavy pause then, and Jay got the sense Sam might hug him or something equally bizarre, so he headed toward the snack cakes. “Let’s finish the boohoo pack. HoHos, right? Not Ding Dongs?”
“Let’s get ‘em both. Can’t have too much chocolate for a broken heart.”
––––––––
~oOo~
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Stupid.
Pathetic.
Stupid and pathetic and needy and what the fuck was he doing here?
Rather than go over to the clubhouse to party after his shift, Jay had decided to go home. Face his father, get it over with, get some TLC from his mom afterward, and just chill. Have a good meal, watch TV, whatever. Chill.
Instead, like last night, he’d gotten as far as the highway and turned around. Now he was parked around the corner from Gertrude’s, watching the door like he was on a stakeout.
Apparently, Saturday was the big night here at Gertrude’s. Live music, by the sound of it. Some chick wailing to a melancholy beat. And a fairly steady stream of—he assumed—lesbians into the place. Also a few men, always in company with women. None that had noticed him yet, thankfully. Every now and then a vehicle passed him, and some of those parked and released their occupants toward the bar, but nobody paid him any mind.
He’d started off in back, but once he’d seen Petra’s Volvo parked in the same spot as last night, he’d at least been smart enough not to be lurking in the shadows like a creepy stalker again.
No, now he was up front, lurking in the shadows like a creepy stalker. It would be less creepy, maybe, if just he went in, but what kind of a simp would he be then?
He could imagine—vividly—the look on her face as he approached the bar. Worse, he could vividly imagine the look she’d give her friend Dre. That look between friends both seeing the same pathetic sight.He’s back, like a sad little puppy. Ugh.
So why was he here? She was unlikely to come out the front, and he couldn’t see her from here. He wasn’t going to go in and risk the look on her face, which would be pitying at best. Nor did he want to be gawped at by every lesbian in Tulsa. So why didn’t he fire his bike up again and go home, where he belonged? Whycouldn’the?
He knew the answer, and it was the most pathetic part of this whole pathetic scene.
He couldn’t leave because she was in there. This was as close to her as he could get.
What was wrong with him? Twenty-four hours ago, he’d never heard of Gertrude’s or the woman who owned it. They’d fucked, and yes, it had been amazing. His best ever, maybe. Certainly unlike any he’d had before. But it was still only a fuck. One night. Not even that—a few hours. Why was he so inside-out over this woman he hardly knew? He didn’t even know her last name.
But it hadn’t been just a fuck. He didn’t know what it had been, exceptmore. More intense. More emotional. More important. To him, at least.
Unable to go into the bar, unable to ride off, Jay sat on his saddle and stared.
Eventually, a car stopped alongside him. When Jay glanced that way, the passenger window came down, and a very average-looking woman glared at him. “You were out here when we went in there two hours ago. Whatever felonious fuckery you’ve got in mind, make another plan for your night, or we will. I’m calling the cops, and I’m calling the bar to warn them. We’re not the easy pickings assholes like you think we are. Get lost.”
Stupid.
Pathetic.
“Sorry,” he muttered and fired up his bike. The women in the car followed him all the way onto the highway.
Jay went home, as he should have done straight from the station.