His brow furrowed. “I’m not.”
“Your armor is a grin, but it’s still armor, and it’s just as thick as mine.”
He looked down at her, brow still furrowed. Then he smiled again—not the big, bright grin but a small, almost reluctant smirk. “That’s what I get for telling you about school, huh?”
She slipped her fingers through his beard, up into his hair. So lush. The ends curled around her fingers like they meant to keep her there.
“Maybe we both had a secret we needed to share.”
He kissed her. “Maybe.” Ducking his head low, he began to kiss her chest, letting his tongue out to trace the shape of her wings.
It felt ... sort of wonderful. The subtle buzz of damaged nerves had an electric flair, but more than that was simply the wonder of being exposed, being touched in a place that had been hidden, and feeling his interest holding firm. He wasn’t enduring, wasn’t acting.
He wanted her. And that was an erogenous zone all its own.
“Coop,” she gasped as he found a scar and focused there, flicking his tongue all along it.
“Yeah?” he muttered against her skin.
“What’s happening?”
His body shook with his chuckle, and he met her eyes with a grin. “Don’t you know?”
“I don’t mean what are you doing right now, I mean, what’s happening between us? Is there something happening between us?” It was important to be as clear as she could, so she could see the real truth and believe it, so she said, “Do you want to be with me? Not just fuck me. Is that what’s happening?”
It was the question they’d almost gotten to in the afternoon, before she’d lost her head and dumped everything upside-down:Don’t you want it to mean anything?he’d asked.
Yes, she should have answered.I want it to mean everything.
Now the question pushed him onto his elbows again, and her hands slipped from his hair. “Real talk?”
That wasn’t an ideal response, but Siena was now so far down this terrifying path she could do nothing but keep her cool. She brushed her hands over his arms. He was still completely dressed, in a faded green flannel shirt, worn to lush softness, and his leather kutte.
“Real talk,” she affirmed.
He took a deep breath and let it out before he answered. “I’ve never ... I’ve never even had a best friend, Siena. I don’t know if I know how tobe withanybody.”
Oh, he was absolutely as armored as she was. Perhaps ironically, a bubble of safety encircled them in her mind. She understood him. He was like her. Even if this didn’t work between them, she felt safe. Because she trusted him not towantto hurt her, to care enough to take care.
“I haven’t been close to anyone but my sister since my mom died and everything ... changed,” she said. “I don’t know if I know how to do it, either. Would you want to try?”
Now he laughed. “I’m kinda afraid you’ll burn my house down if I piss you off, which I’m bound to do.”
Siena laughed, too. Wrapped around that barb was the implication that he did want to try. “That’s probably fair. I haven’t been the poster child for serenity since you’ve known me. I used to be a lot more ... chill. I’ll probably piss you off, too.”
In fact, she’d pissed him off today, hadn’t she? And there was evidence of what he’d done in response, evidence she’d been too wrapped up to notice at first, and then too swept up to acknowledge, but now ... “Were you with somebody else tonight?”
All traces of humor left his face, and his frown carved deeply into his brow. He shifted higher on his elbows, getting more distance while still lying on her. “What? No.”
“I smell women’s cologne on you. Dior J’Adore, I think. I don’t think I’m upset about it.” She kicked away the little demon in her head chantingpityfuckpityfuckpityfuck. “But if we did try to be together, I would be upset then, if that’s how you deal with getting pissed at me.”
For a few seconds, just long enough to get that demon really going, he stared down at her. Then the frown morphed into a wry, lopsided smirk and he shook his head. “I was at the clubhouse. We finally got some girls around there. Yeah, I tried to get something going with one, but—” He turned his head, looked at the wall. “I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t even get off the fucking barstool. Yeah, I was pissed at you, and had all this fucked-up shit going on in my head, so I thought I wanted a nice, easy fuck to get square with myself again. Had my arm around the chick for about ninety seconds and felt guilty as hell about it. Like I was cheating. How pathetic is that?”
Maybe he didn’t realize it, but he’d just told her he was already in. They’d already started something, were already together. “It’s not pathetic at all. It’s wonderful. I want to be with you, Cooper. I’m scared, and I don’t know if I can do it, but I want it. I want to try to have it. If you do.”
“You scare the shit out of me, baby.”
Siena grinned. “Welcome to the club. There’s a tequila fountain on the snack table.”