Cooper only nodded this time. Honestly, he didn’t know what to think.
He’d had a good morning. Getting to know Siena a little, working on her car, sitting at her little table over Cuban sandwiches she’d made and just talking about random shit like people who were actually friends, he’d felt like he’d finally clicked into this new life. He’d felt totally comfortable in his skin for the first time in months. And Siena—shit, she’d beenrelaxedwith him. She’d even teased him when he’d gotten mustard in his beard.
They’d spent the afternoon together, just talking, and he’d felt good. He hadn’t wanted it to end, but she’d had to pick Geneva up from school, and he had church to lead.
Now, the whole rosy tint of the day was gone. As he stood here, inhishouse, being introduced to, he supposed, the first sweetbutts of the Nevada charter, his mind was back in that infuriating snarl. He felt guilty. He was angry. He felt jealous and territorial. Worst of all, he feltinsufficient. Unequal to the flash on his chest.
“I’m going upstairs. Church in thirty.”
––––––––
~oOo~
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He hadn’t been in hisoffice long enough to do anything more than sit at his desk with his head in his hands when there was a knock at the door.
“Boss,” Ben said through the wood.
Cooper sat up straight. “Yeah, come.”
The door swung open, and Ben leaned against the jamb. “Y’alright?”
“I’m fine.”
He didn’t know how to follow that up, or if he should. He didn’t know Ben that well. They weren’t confidants, not on a personal level. On a personal level, Cooper had never had a confidant in his life. No important romantic relationship, no best friend, no family, not even a parent, who gave enough of a shit for him to build trust with them. He’d never even had a goddamn dog.
On a personal level, he’d never trusted anyone. Ever.
On a club level, he trusted his brothers implicitly whether he knew them personally or not. Once they wore the Bull, he trusted them to protect the club.
Thus, Cooper trusted Ben with the club. The old grump was measured and steady. He was smart. Moreover, he was a Laughlin native with a long history, invaluable knowledge about the inner workings of the area, and solid relationships with many of the movers and shakers they needed to work with or around. It was why he’d tapped Ben as VP.
On the other hand, Cooper felt jealous of him, too. All the things that made Ben a good brother and the right choice to be his second also made him probably a better choice than Cooper to lead the charter. Ben had been in an MC before, until it disbanded twenty-some years ago. He was measured and steady. He was smart. He had a long history in the area, with deep knowledge of how it worked and good relationships with the people who ran it. A president should have it all.
Cooper had none of it. Until Laughlin, he’d been a midlevel patch with no ambitions for more. He had exactly one thing Ben didn’t, and it was the only thing that had put the gavel in his hand: a decently long history as a Bull.
On top of all that, Ben was the link that drew everyone around their table together: his son, his daughter’s old man, his best friend, his best friend’s nephew and that nephew’s good friend.
Only Cooper sat outside that circle. In a chair at the head of the table.
He had the thought every time he took his seat in the chapel, and he didn’t know what the fuck he could possibly do to change it. And now even the girls would be strangers to him but no one else? What the fuck was happening? How and where had he fucked up so bad that thepresident of the charterwas the odd man out?
When Cooper only said he was fine and didn’t offer more, Ben stepped into the office and closed the door. He moved a stack of Amazon boxes from the chair in the corner and sat down. Feeling like a kid getting called to the assistant principal’s office, Cooper turned his chair and leaned back.
“What?” he asked, trying not tosoundlike a kid getting called to the assistant principal’s office.
Ben studied him for several seconds before he spoke. “There’s somethin’ goin’ on with you, brother. I just thought I’d offer my ear, if you want to talk.”
“I don’t. Nothing’s going on with me.”
Ben said nothing in response. His expression was perfectly still and completely focused on Cooper.
“Did you need something else?”
“It ain’t easy gettin’ a charter off the ground,” Ben said.
“No, it’s not.”