Okay, no. It was good he wasn’t here. What had she thought she’d do if he were? It wasn’t like she could force him not to be a faux-noble jerk. Or maybe he washidingbehind false nobility. Maybe he really didn’t want her but was afraid being honest would hurt her feelings.
Ugh. That was worse. She hated to hurt people’s feelings, too, but she understood that stringing people along was the more hurtful thing. It was better to be honest and clear. And kind.
Enough of this nonsense. He didn’t want to be with her, for whatever reason he had? Fine. It wasn’t like she was so wrapped up she couldn’t let go.
She was at the Bulls Christmas party. Herfamily’sChristmas party, surrounded by people she loved, and everybody was having a good time. Good food, good drink, good fun everywhere she turned. Tomorrow, she’d wake up in her childhood princess room and have family Christmas morning, and then they’d all head to Grammo and Grampa D’s house. The Bulls Christmas was the best one in Tulsa, and she wasn’t going to spend it moping around after a guy.
“I’m going to get something to drink. Anybody want anything?”
~oOo~
Hunched into her coat against the sharp bite of late-December wind, Kelsey stood on the sidewalk and considered the unassuming red brick building she’d crossed town to get to.
Apparently, her infatuation was stronger than her willpower. She’d made it about half an hour before she’d made her excuses at the party, said goodbye, and drove to the VFW, to see a man who didn’t want to be with her, when he was in no way expecting to see her.
She was being stupid. Worse, if she went in there, she’d look desperate and pathetic.
Just go home, dummy, she told herself.How much more humiliation are you going to inflict on yourself?
It was cold out here, so she had to make a decision one way or the other before the tops of her ears broke off.
So she climbed the steps and went in through the front door. The door opened to a foyer, like a narrow, old-fashioned lobby, with wooden benches along the walls and cracked linoleum on the floor. People, mostly old men dressed humbly but with care, sat on the benches with Styrofoam plates of food and cups of drink. A skinny artificial Christmas tree stood in one corner, decorated with red, white, and blue ornaments and garlands, and a lighted star on top.
Beyond that lobby, facing the front, was a set of two double doors, thrown open to show what looked not much different from the clubhouse party room, or a corner bar. Kelsey didn’t know what she’d expected, maybe a cafeteria, but it looked like a bar. It was tricked out for Christmas, with colored lights, cardboard and plastic decorations, and carols playing. Many of the tables—round six-tops, from what she could see—were full, and a line seemed to be wending around the perimeter of the room.
Kelsey headed to the doors and got far enough to see that one whole side of the L-shaped bar had been turning into a serving line, with big chafing dishes lined up and four men standing behind the bar, wearing red aprons and Santa caps, serving food.
Dex was one of those men. He was serving something from a ladle, and each time someone held out their plate to him, he smiled—full, sincere, and bright. Despite his beard, she could see his wonderful mouth form the wordsHappy Holidayseach time he ladled food onto a plate.
She stood just outside the doors and watched him, knowing she wouldn’t go any farther. She couldn’t possibly intrude on his night. He was at ease, at peace. She could see it. He was helping people, and that seemed to be the thing that made him feel best—made him feel right with himself.
An ache flared low in Kelsey’s belly and swelled until it enflamed her heart. Standing here, watching him serve veterans who had nowhere else to go on Christmas Eve, who needed a free meal onChristmas Eve, she wanted him more than ever. Standing in this doorway, her crush grew until it threatened to flatten her.
But maybe it washerwho’d been a jerk. She’d practically been throwing herself at him, and he’d rebuffed her. She wasn’t taking his no for an answer because it wasn’t worded in a way she liked.
Also because of that kiss in the Cranes’ kitchen, but he’d taken a bad beating over that. Not exactly an incentive to kiss her again.
Anyway, the kiss didn’t matter. Well, itmattered. A lot. She’d never forget it. But no meant no, right? Right. Consent could be withdrawn at any time, right? Right. He’d told her no.
Shewasbeing a jerk. The realization made her queasy.
She didn’t belong here.
Before she could act on that thought, turn around and head back out the front door, a man came up at her side.
“Excuse me,” he said. The words were slightly slurred.
Kelsey turned and smiled at him, because she always smiled when she met someone new. It was like a reflex. “Hi. Happy holidays.”
He smiled, too. He was in his mid-thirties, maybe, and had a massive bicoronal scar around a significant depression in his skull. Traumatic brain injury. “Merry Christmas. Are you a vet?” His speech was slow as well as slurred, but he was clearly understandable.
In another circumstance, she might have attempted to make a joke about being a different kind of vet, but she didn’t feel very jokey right now. “I’m not. Just a friend.”
“Well, the VFW is for vets only, but it’s Christmas. If you need a meal, it’d be okay.”
She really,reallydid not belong here.
“I don’t. I’ll go. I’m sorry to intrude.”