“LetMeHeal”—Seether
Four Months Later….
Locked in my head, I sat in a dark corner of the clubhouse. Happy to be invisible, I placed my AirPods in my ears, closed my eyes, and tried to get lost in my head. If I didn’t have something to occupy my mind, I relived every blow, each violation.
The website I was supposed to be working on sat untouched on the computer screen in front of me. Freelance graphic design and website management was the only thing keeping me from getting my car repossessed. Though I rarely drove it, so I didn’t know why I bothered.
The week my father went to Angel with the news I’d been threatened, Angel and his brothers brought me to the clubhouse. I’d been furious. My vacation to warmer climates had been cancelled. The Royal Bastards were afraid I wouldn’t be safe traveling on my own. God forbid someone go with me on my vacation so I could still get away.
If I hadn’t been here… but I couldn’t go there. That led me down a rabbit hole of mental torture that I’d rather forget about.
Since moving into the clubhouse completely, I hadn’t really worked. I’d been fired when I didn’t show up for work the week after my vacation was supposed to have ended.
Not like I could tell them I’d been abducted. My brother’s club was shrouded in secrets and what I believed was some bad shit. I probably could’ve fought my termination, but that would’ve meant admitting something horrible had happened to me—and I wasn’t ready for people to know that. This was bad enough.
The table rocked, and my eyes popped open.
“Hey, Jazz,” Korrie said as she slipped into the booth across from me.
Pulling one headphone from my ear, I pasted a fake smile on my face. “What’s up?”
Over the last several months, I’d gotten pretty good at acting normal. It was better than seeing the pity in everyone’s eyes when they looked at me. If I pretended I was better, no one dug any deeper, and they took my smiles at face value. Sometimes I thought that was easier for them than addressing the uncomfortable subject of what had happened to me.
I was okay with that because it wasn’t something I wanted to talk about either.
“The girls convinced the guys to finally let us get out on the town. We’re all heading out to go dancing in Des Moines. I was hoping you’d come with,” she said with a pleading gaze as she chewed on her bottom lip. The thought of leaving the safety of the clubhouse compound had me breaking out in a cold sweat.
“Brought you this to butter you up,” she said as she slid what appeared to be my favorite drink across the table. A huge grin split her face, and I couldn’t help but laugh. What she didn’t know was that I’d already had one.
With a shake of my head, I reached for the glass and took a sip. “I don’t know,” I hedged before taking another drink. The vodka burned a little, telling me the prospect had made it strong.
“What do you say? I think it would be good for you to get out,” she said. Slowly, she reached across the table and gave my hand a firm squeeze. “I miss hanging out with you.”
Another drink, and the alcohol started to do its job. A warmth that left me slightly numb washed over me. That was what I attributed my bravery to—alcohol.
“Okay,” I reluctantly agreed.
Dammit.
I was drunk off my ass, but it was fucking amazing. Nothing fazed me. No bad thoughts broke through the alcohol-induced cloud I was floating on. Laughter bubbled up as I danced on the crowded dance floor with a pregnant Korrie, Kira, and Loralei.
Sweating from being out there through a good five songs, I raised my thick hair up off my neck as we moved to the beat.
Firm hands encircled my hips, and panic hit for a split second before I wobbled slightly as I looked over my shoulder. The guy gave a me a white-toothed smile. My gaze appraised him, taking in his pressed, button-up short-sleeved shirt, expensive jeans, and Vans. He was the complete opposite of the bikers I was living with and the ones that had—Nope. Not going there.
“Hey. Mind if I join you ladies?” he said in my ear to be heard over the heavy bass pouring from the speakers.
“It’s a free country,” I said with a silly grin, ignoring the girls trying to get my attention. I twisted to face the guy with perfectly messy sandy-blond hair and blue-green eyes. He was exactly the opposite of the one I couldn’t get out of my head. My arms looped around his neck as the song switched to a slower one.
The guy held my waist as we moved slowly around the dance floor. As we swayed to the sensuous tune, we passed Angel and Korrie. I ignored my brother, who watched me like a hawk. Then Voodoo and Kira danced close to us, and they both gave me a questioning gaze. I appreciated everyone wanting to make sure I was okay, but for one night I simply wanted to forget.
The song was drawing to an end when we passed by the area where the remainder of our group was gathered. My gaze locked on the dark eyes that owned me.
Nico.
Anger flashed in his dark depths, and a shudder ran through me. The song ended, and I thanked the guy. To his disappointment, I left him on the dance floor and walked toward the table where my friends and family sat.
Nico’s jaw ticked, but I intentionally ignored him as I reached for my glass. After I emptied it, I shook it. “I’m getting another. Anyone else want one?”