I’ve never felt beautiful. Or rather, I had never felt beautiful until Dane took me in his arms and kissed me.
Ramona breaks the silence.
“You’ve been disappearing a lot,” Mom says. She clears her throat and settles down on my bed, leaving the plate of cookies on my lap. “Where have you been going, anyway?”
I frown. “Nowhere,” I lie. “I mean, I’ve just been going for long walks in the woods. It’s a good way to clear your head.”
Mom chuckles. She reaches for a cookie and breaks off a crumb with her fingers. “That doesn’t sound like you, honey,” she says. “I know how much you hate the outdoors.”
I point toward my muddy pink sneakers. “I don’t! I bought those a few weeks ago,” is my defensive explanation. “A guy at school asked me to go hiking.”
Mom nods. She actually looks impressed and for a moment I think I’ve gotten away with my lie. But then she narrows her eyes. “That sounds like it could be dangerous, Emma. I mean, you shouldn’t be doing this kind of stuff alone. You could slip and fall and break something!”
I shrug. “I’m pretty careful,” I reply. “Besides, there are people who live in the woods. I’m sure that someone would help me if something happened.”
I regret the words as soon as they’re out of my mouth. My mom looks horrified, like I’ve just informed her that I’ll be joining the circus and shaving my head.
“Emma!” Mom drops the fragment of cookie. “That’s even worse! You don’t know what kind of crazy people live out there!”
“You’re right,” I say in a quick effort to pacify her. “I didn’t mean that I’d met any of them or anything like that. I just…um, well, I know they’re there.”
Mom shakes her head. “Honestly, Emma, why don’t you just let me call my trainer? I’m sure we could find someone great for you to work with.”
“No, no, it’s really okay,” I say. “It has nothing to do with my weight. I’m just getting some fresh air.”
“Well, if you’re sure,” Mom says. She’s still frowning, but I know that she’s not angry. “I’m just worried about you, honey. That’s all.” She gives me a sad smile and I feel the burn of guilt almost like a brand on my skin.
I know that even though we’re wealthy, my mom is unhappy. Sure, Ramona has everything she could ever want but she’s also married to my father, and now that I’ve grown up I know that she’s lonely. She has charity friends, but no real close girlfriend in the world. Because even diamonds and pearls aren’t enough for a satisfying life. My mom has been beaten down by my dad in so many subtle ways over the years that she’s merely a shadow of the woman she once was.
Pity washes me over then.
“I’ll be fine,” I say encouragingly. I reach for her hand and lace my fingers with hers before squeezing. “Don’t worry about me, Mom. I promise that everything is going to be okay. You take care of yourself, okay?”
Mom gets to her feet and nods. “I know, honey. But you can’t blame me for worrying about you,” she says. “That’s just what mothers do.”
I nod. When she leaves my room, I sigh in relief and flop back down on the bed. My heart is thudding in a blind panic. I know that my mom would go crazy if she knew what I was really doing – meeting a wild man in the woods and having crazy sex with him.
In fact, to most people, Dane would cut an intimidating and frightening figure. But whenever I’m with him, I know that I’m cared for. I know that he would never do anything to hurt me, and I feel absolutely safe with him.
The next morning, I get up early and get dressed. I still haven’t done any studying, but I figure that I’ll be far less distracted at school than at home. I know the library will be packed, and as much as I’m dreading studying, I’m glad for the crowd. If I’m not alone, I won’t be able to think about Dane.
At least, that’s what I hope. Last night was another torrid night filled with dreams of him, and my heart is still thudding as I walk downstairs to grab some breakfast before leaving for school.
“Good morning,” Gina says sweetly. “What would you like, Miss Emma?”
“Nothing complicated,” I assure her as I settle down in a chair.
“I have some leftover batter from your father’s waffles,” Gina says. She shows me the bowl and I smile happily – even from here, I can smell the delicious buttermilk and cinnamon.
“That sounds good,” I say. My stomach rumbles and I flush and bite my lip. Gina pours the batter into our waffle maker and gets to work washing the dishes. As she works, she hums to herself and the sound is strangely soothing.