“I spent one week with you and ended up jobless and severely depressed.” She said it lightly but even in the candlelight he could see the pinched lines of her face. “What makes you think I’d entertain your proposition for longer than the time it takes to rip up your contract?”
He almost argued that everything wasn’t his fault but he caught himself just in time. Learning to take your lumps was harder than it looked. “Because you’re smart. You’ll see it makes sense. All of it. And us.”
“She had a nice date with a fellow the other night,” Cathy said cheerfully. “He wasn’t as handsome as you, but in my experience the good-looking ones are more trouble. So what are you offering her that the guy from the other night doesn’t have?”
“I love her.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kelly set down her wineglass but he didn’t divert his attention from her mother. “And I intend to prove it. No matter how long it takes.”
Kelly didn’t comment and her mother didn’t get mushy-eyed.Hismother would have, but apparently hippies were made from sterner stuff. “Love’s all well and good, but if you’re not there when someone needs you,” she reached out to hold Kelly’s hand, “then you might as well not bother. Love isn’t just a word, Spencer. It’s something you commit to every day. It means sticking around for the long haul.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
John clapped his back. “That’s the spirit.”
Afterward Kelly walked out with him to his car but she didn’t bring up what he’d said. He fully expected her to say good night and leave him to wonder if he’d lost his only chance to be a part of her life.
They stopped by his car and stared at each other in the moonlight. The gentle September breeze stirred her hair. He loved it longer. So pretty. He wanted to run his fingers through it, feel its weight on his skin. But this dance was one he’d have to let her lead.
“Your parents are nice. Are they back permanently from Sedona?”
“Yeah. They’ve been home for a couple months. They’ve been great, surprisingly enough. They stuck close when I needed them, backed off when I didn’t. Who knows how long they’ll stay. The traveling bug hits them pretty often.”
“It never hit you.”
“No. Vacations are one thing but I need a home base. Someplace I can belong to.”
“And someone?” he asked quietly, wishing to every deity there was she’d let it be him.
She leaned up on her tiptoes and brushed her mouth over his. Suspecting it was a test, he didn’t react when she did it again. By the third time, he groaned and wrapped his hands around her upper arms, hauling her against him. She didn’t melt or fall into his embrace. She kissed him back but it was restrained, the opposite of every other kiss they’d ever shared.
That, more than anything else, broke him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and there was no denying the huskiness of his voice. “You’ll never know how much.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want to know why. You didn’t suddenly discover you loved me after you left.”
“No.” He rubbed his thumb over her damp lower lip, amazed he could even speak with his heart lodged in his throat. “I knew it that night in my office. I probably knew it even before then. How could anyone not love you?”
She laughed hoarsely and tilted her head back to look at the starry night sky. “I’m loud and brash and say way too much without thinking. I’m impulsive and rebellious and refuse to listen to what anyone tells me—”
“You’re perfect. Perfect for me,” he added when she shook her head.
“So perfect that you slept with another woman hours after you were with me. Or you wanted me to think you did. I don’t know which is worse.”
He glanced around, thankful that at least they were in a secluded part of the parking lot. “I didn’t sleep with Diana that night. But I agreed to. I tried.”
“You tried,” she repeated.
“Yeah.” He rubbed his eyes. He’d prefer to skip right over this part, but there was no avoiding it. “She blackmailed me over my job. She’d given it to me in the first place, five years ago. She was married, we had an affair. She got pregnant.”
“You should’ve been a journalist. That was the most dispassionate retelling of a story I’ve ever heard.”
“I’ve had a lot of time to distill it to the bare bones in my head.” And he had, during the myriad nights he couldn’t sleep, both before and after Kelly.
“She had your baby.” Now she was the dispassionate one, her expression cool.
“I didn’t know if it was mine, but she lost it. By that time she’d given me her position as regional manager so she could go home to patch things up with her husband. She wanted to save her marriage.”
“So you were collateral damage.”