For the first time in my life, I don't want to be anywhere near my own brother. I don’t want to be near anyone.
THE DAYS AND NIGHTS blur together, and while I fall back into my usual schedule, it doesn't feel the same. Zayn stays in his room as much as possible. The only time I see him is when I happen to be in the living room when he comes home, or occasionally when we're switching classes. He thinks I don't notice the way he still watches to make sure I get to class okay, or that he hasn't been sleeping at night, but I do. I notice it all, just like I always have.
I'm sitting on the island in the kitchen, drinking a bottle of water and scrolling through my phone when he comes in. He stops short at the door, but when I glance back at him, he sighs and comes in anyway. He walks around to the fridge and pulls out a yogurt before grabbing a spoon.
“Here,” he says, handing it to me.
It's the first word we've spoken to each other since the other night, when he ripped my heart out of my chest without even looking at me, and it's to hand me a yogurt? You've got to be kidding me.
“I'm not hungry.”
He takes a deep breath and opens it. “You haven't been hungry all week. You need to eat, Amelia.”
I roll my eyes. “Excuse me for not having a goddamn appetite, but I’m not your problem anymore. You made that very clear.”
I half expect him to get mad. Maybe throw the yogurt into the trash and storm out of the room. But he doesn't. He puts it down next to me before hopping up onto the counter across from me.
“I didn't mean to hurt you, you know,” he murmurs.
Deep down, I believe him, but that doesn't make it any easier. “Yep.”
“I mean it,” he presses. “I just want you to be happy.”
“I was.”
Neither of us will look at each other as he shakes his head. “You're a beautiful girl, Meelz. You'll find someone else.”
The nickname cuts right through me like a razor blade and there's nothing left to keep everything from pouring out. “No, see, that's where you're wrong,” I tell him confidently. “I won't. I won't, because you ruined me. You made it so no one is good enough and no one sparks the same fire inside me that you do.” A tear leaks out and slides down my cheek as our gazes finally lock. “You turned me into this desperate girl I never wanted to be, who would burn alive just for an ounce of your attention, and I hate myself for that.”
I hop down off the counter, and when he goes to grab my wrist, I yank it away before he has a chance to touch me.
“Don't. You've done enough.”
Falling apart at the seams, I hold myself together as much as I can and walk out.
He doesn't get to see me break.
Not again.
I storm into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me so hard it cracks. Great. Another goddamn thing I've destroyed. What else is new?
Staying away from Amelia is one of the hardest things I've ever done. To have to sit there and watch her spiral down and know that not only can I not fix it, but I was the one who caused it, hurts me more than she'll ever know. All I've ever wanted was for her to be happy, even if that means it's not with me, and one day she will be. It just might mean she never looks at me the same again.
As if things couldn't possibly get any worse, Blade doesn't seem to be letting up at all. Every day I get something from him. Whether it be a text, a picture, a video. I learned a few days after I broke up with Amelia that he didn't just take a picture with her sleeping form. He took a whole damn video where he lightly grazed her neck with a knife. I watched in horror as she murmured something in her sleep and rolled away from him. He stuck up a middle finger to the camera and the video ended.
The day I got that, I slipped a tracker into her bag so that I could always keep track of where she is.
Sleep is a foreign concept at this point. I mean, how can I sleep while knowing Blade could show up at any given moment? The only way I can protect her is by staying up, so that's what I do. I drink so much coffee that it hardly works anymore, and pop caffeine pills like they're candy. I even considered taking speed, but decided against it. At least for now.
Amelia's words from today play through my mind on a loop, knowing she meant every last one of them. I said it when I first saw her at the club, freshly back from boarding school and looking like she could flip my whole damn world upside down with the snap of her fingers—I'd only ruin her. Hearing her admit that I did, it hurt, but I deserve every ounce of pain at this point.
I almost broke today, as she jumped off the counter and went to leave, I almost admitted everything. About the threats. The efforts to protect her. All of it. But she didn't want to hear anything I had to say, and that's for the best. Amelia knowing the truth about what's going on is no good for anyone, especially not her. She's headstrong, and if you tell her she's fragile, she'll knock your ass out. I can't trust that she wouldn't try to take matters into her own hands, and I can't have that happening.
Blade is dangerous. A certifiable psycho who thrives off fear and destroying people's lives. There is nothing he wouldn't do just to see me crumble, and he knows the best way to break me is through her.
The only way to break me is through her, and that unfortunately makes her invaluable to him.
r /> MY PHONE DINGS ON my desk as I'm struggling my way through writing an essay, and I brace myself for the next threat. Since Easton still isn't speaking to me, there are only two people who text me lately—Knox and Blade. And being as Knox is at work right now, I already know who it is before I pick it up.