Safe to say, my patient was wide awake. Horribly wide awake, and in the throes of a full-blown argument with a cowering junior doctor, almost young enough to have been on the school bus with Ryan. Yep, no question. This was my Matt, and he was attempting to self-discharge. The harassed young doctor tried to persuade him to stay, while an equally youthful nurse made frantic attempts to coax him back into bed. Two people in the room were thrilled at the timely arrival of a senior doctor on the scene, the third looked set to pass out from the shock.
“Hi,” I said with a weak wave, because that was exactly the classy opener I’d rehearsed if I were to ever meet the love of my life again after a twenty-five-year gap.
Stunned and reeling, Matt offered no resistance as the nurse seized her opportunity to persuade him back onto the bed.
“Mr Leeson thinks he’s going home,” she said in a tart voice.
“I told him he ought to wait until the surgeons review him,” added the junior doctor. “And he needs another dose of iv antibiotics.”
Matt’s eyes were not a warm, guileless, chestnut like Ramil’s. They were sharp, like polished black diamonds, and they tracked me through two puffy, purple slits. Dark, fathomless, watchful. Still dressed in the thin hospital gown, Matt had managed to pull a grey hoodie over the top. A pair of scuffed black boots, the sort workmen wore, covered his sockless feet. His body radiated tension as he sat, coiled and ready to pounce, on the edge of the bed. Sensing her victory not entirely secured, the nurse kept her hand on his shoulder.
“And you’re not that steady on your feet, Mr Leeson.” This time she chided him more lightly. “We don’t want you to fall over and end up back in hospital for another operation, do we?”
“The surgeons will be here around nine,” pleaded the doctor. “At least wait until then.”
Matt ignored them both, his eyes never leaving mine. “Why the fuck are you here?”
His voice sounded thick from sleep, and the swelling from his surgery prevented him opening his mouth fully. Even so, it was hard to mistake the underlying, harsh Midlands accent.
“This is Dr Valentine.” The nurse threw me an apologetic look. “He’s one of our consultant anaesthetists.”
Matt shook her hand away roughly . “I know who he is.”
“I anaesthetised you yesterday,” I began. “I took over from my colleague. I’ve…I’m here to see how you’re getting on.”
I’d had twelve hours to come to terms with the shock of stumbling across Matt again; he’d had little more than thirty seconds. Nevertheless, he seemed more in control than me. I wiped my clammy hands down the sides of my trousers and he eyed me accusingly.
“I dreamed about you last night,”
The nurse chuckled and patted him on the arm again. Matt flinched.
“I dreamed you were here. With me. I never dream about you anymore.”
She laughed again. “I think Dr Valentine must have given you some of the good stuff yesterday!”
“Er, do you mind if I go?” the junior doctor interrupted. I’d almost forgotten she was there. “I’ve another patient to see in room six before the ward round starts.”
I never dream about you anymore.
Oh God.
“Yes, it’s fine, you go.”
My vision blurred a little. Matt wasn’t the only one who should be sitting down. The room had become stiflingly hot.
“You can go too, if you like,” I managed, turning to the nurse. “I’ll call you
if I need anything. I’m sure you must be busy.”
The junior doctor fled, but the nurse fiddled around, plumping pillows, and tidying Matt’s untouched, unappetising yoghurt breakfast. A plastic beaker with a straw sticking out of what looked like cold tea stood next to it. By the time she left, with a cheery smile and promising to check on him in fifteen minutes, I’d contemplated throwing her out.
Exhausted, I sank into the plastic-coated armchair. “You weren’t dreaming. I was here.”
“I know that now.”
Where to start? I had so many questions I wanted to ask,neededto ask, but already he tried to stand again, grimacing in pain. With one hand, he grasped the bedside cabinet. “I’m getting out of here.”
I blocked his path. “Don’t be silly, Matt. You’re not well.”