All it takes is the touch of his hand or that look in his eyes for me to want to roll over and show him my underbelly like a kitten waiting to be loved. Now that he was no longer breathing fire at me and I could see the sun behind the clouds, it’s even harder for me to hold onto my resentment.
So, though my mind was telling me not to give in too easily, my very soul abhorred the idea of widening the rift between us. I didn’t care about anything else but being with Nick, loving him, and being loved by him. I understand completely why he’d reacted the way he had a year ago and why things had been so strained between us since.
Maybe Mrs. Horton was right; maybe he’d reacted that way because of how strong his feelings were for me, even then. It’s obvious that Nick is not one for betrayal, that he wouldn’t take those things lightly, which is a good thing when all is said and done. But that temper of his, I doubt it’ll ever change.
I laid awake listening to him breathe with an ear pressed to his chest, counting the beats of his heart, and it struck me then that it was over. Everything was out in the open now, and though he still had his doubts and there were many unanswered questions, I’m almost certain that, like me, he’d want to help the two people who meant the most to us when they were alive.
I felt my body relax for the first time since it all started, as if I’d been wound tight all along and could only now allow myself to breathe and release myself from the fear and uncertainty this whole ordeal has put me through. It was refreshing knowing that I no longer had to carry this burden alone, that Nick would be right there with me.
Excitement came awake inside of me as I thought of the days ahead. There was so much to do, so much to share. It’s unreal, this feeling of lightness after so many heavy days of dark loneliness. He’d come for me; he loves me, he wants me. Nothing else means more than this. Not my anger, my resentment; there was nothing worth holding onto more than what he was now offering. It was everything I’d hoped for since the first time my heart moved for him.
Those early days before things went to heck, all I did was dream, hope, and wish. Just his smile alone had made my starved heart feel full for once. I’d woven such dreams around us back then, had wanted it so much that once they were shattered, it had almost destroyed me. It was only the chance of bringing those two lovers together in this otherworldly scheme that had given me hope there at the end, when it looked like he would never forgive me, never listen to my words of truth.
Now that I think of it, Nick probably has every right to be mad at the way he’d been manipulated and my part in it. And yet, he doesn’t seem too upset with me about that. He seems more annoyed that I’d left him, which is about as good as I could hope for given all that I’d done.
I’d lived with that fear as well, the fear of how he’d react once the truth was known. I’d spent so many days living under his disapproval that I half expected him to blame me once again as he walked away. Knowing that he’s not going anywhere fills me with such happiness that it’s hard to contain.
So, no, I’m not mad anymore. I’m just glad that it’s over and that I’m lying here in his arms, feeling loved. I hadn’t dared hope for his love, not this soon anyway, but if this wasn’t love, I’m not sure what is. He moved, and his hand came to rest on my tummy, reminding me of the child that may be growing there. I wonder where he heard about the baby when I myself wasn’t sure.
No doubt his grandfather or Mrs. Horton had said something to him about it. The warmth of his palm seeped into my flesh, leaving a sweet tingle behind. I looked up at his face, but he was still asleep, this time with a restful look on his face. Although my body still ached sweetly from his earlier loving, need and want fluttered between my thighs and somewhere deep inside me.
I didn’t think, didn’t allow myself to falter as I became the aggressor. I pushed him fully onto his back and covered his lips with mine as he came slowly awake.
EPILOGUE
NICK
“Elijah, no, you can’t… Nicole get down from there. Why are your kids always climbing shit?” I turned to my very pregnant wife to ask, not nearly as disgruntled as I pretended to be. She laid back against the old chaise lounge beneath the centuries-old oak tree, stuffing her face with berries and ignoring me.