“Bad shit is about to go down,” I said bluntly. “And if I were you, I would leave. I would go somewhere else and start over.”
Her eyes widened.
“Trust me. Stay as far away from the club as you can. Things are going to be very different soon. And I don’t want you getting caught up in it because you have ties to the club.”
“Fuck,” she muttered. “What’s coming down the pipeline? You know what, never mind. It doesn’t matter, does it?”
“No. It doesn’t matter.”
She nodded slowly. “If you could go back and do it all over it again, knowing what you know now about the club, would you choose differently?”
“Yeah. If I could do it all over again, I would walk away. I never would have gotten involved. I love Boxer. I really love him. I love the Old Ladies. I even love the loyalty and the family aspect of the club.” I pointed to my injured hand. “But this—this is who I am. Who Iwas.And I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to perform surgery again. The love of my life cost me the other love of my life. And I don’t know yet how to reconcile that. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to forgive him or forgive myself fully. But I do know I have to find a way to live in this new reality because this is what I’ve got.” I shrugged. “Being a doctor was always more than just a job. It’s what got inside my soul and lit me up. It was my purpose—and now, I might have to find a new purpose.”
She stared at me, her eyes filling with tears. “I’ve never had that kind of passion for anything in my life. It was easy to walk away from college and my degree in engineering. I envy you for that, Linden.” She blew out a breath of air. “Sometimes I wonder, if I’d loved engineering, would it have been enough to get me through the darkness?”
“Did you ever get counseling?”
“Yeah. For a little while. It felt weird to talk about it. Because even though it was bad, and even though it affected me, I still wasn’thurt, you know? My physical body hadn’t been violated.”
“No, maybe not, but it’s still a form of rape, Freddy. Someone drugged your drink and took your memory for a while. They took it without permission. That’s rape. And until you deal with it, you’re not going to move on. You’re not going to connect or fall in love or have a beautiful life, and I want that for you. I want that for you so much.”
“What about you? What are you going to do? Are you going to leave Boxer and the Blue Angels behind and start over fresh?”
“No. For better or for worse, I’m here. I’ve made my play. I’ve chosen Boxer and the club.”
“Would it be different? Would you leave if it wasn’t your hand that had been injured?”
“I don’t know. That’s one of those questions I can’t answer because I’ll never know. It’s thewhat ifgame, it’s theif only I’d turned right instead of leftgame.”
“What happened to you?”
“I was kidnapped,” I said baldly. “Kidnapped and tortured and sent back broken as a warning to the club.”
“What kind of warning?”
“That none of us are safe. Even the women and children.”
“My God,” Freddy muttered.
“You’re special. There’s something inside you that you haven’t figured out yet. I just want you to be alive so you can discover it. If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for me. I couldn’t bear to see you get caught up in this shit. Leave, while you still can.”
“Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll go. My parents have been asking me to visit. I’ve been putting them off because I just can’t seem to…”
“You’ve got parents who love you? Stay with them. Don’t hide from their love. Let your mother dote on you. Watch TV with your dad. Talk. Make some meals. And figure out what it is you really want. You’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it.”
“You’re talking like your life is already over.”
“No. My life isn’t over. But it has taken a detour.” I smiled slightly.
The door to my room opened, and Amanda stepped inside. “Hate to break up the party, but visiting hours are officially over.”
“All right, I’ll go.” Freddy rose. “Don’t want you to have to throw me out.”
“Oh yeah, you look like just the type who needs to be wrangled by security.” Amanda winked.
Freddy leaned down toward me. “Can I hug you?”
“Yeah, you can hug me.”