I wasn’t going to cry. I couldn’t do that to him. He needed to talk and I had to be strong enough to let him. I nodded instead.
“Good. ‘Cause I need to say something that you’re not gonna wanna hear. But I love you and I want you to always be happy. I know Cage makes you happy. He may not have been my choice for you but he loves you like a crazy man. I’ve seen it all over his face this week. He’ll do anything you ask him to including go jumping off a bridge. So, I am telling you this cause someone needs to. You gotta let that boy go, baby girl. He came here last summer because he had a plan. He had one chance to get the future he wants and even though he is a rascal he is a smart boy. He got what he wanted. But if you ask him to let it go he will. In a heartbeat. Don’t make him choose. Let him go. Make it okay for him to go take that dream he fought for. Do it ‘cause you love him.”
Daddy and Jeremy had always thought alike. I should have known this was bothering Daddy, too. It warmed my heart to know my daddy was thinking of Cage’s best interest. Not just mine. I wanted my daddy to love Cage too.
“I’m talking to him tonight. He’ll be going tomorrow. I’m not giving him a choice. I’m not breaking things off. We will just do the long distance thing.”
Daddy didn’t say anything more. He reached over and took my hand in his. We sat there and looked out over the fields in silence. I knew we were both thinking about the future neither of us wanted to talk about. I couldn’t imagine a future without Daddy in it. I wasn’t ready to talk about it.
“The day you were born your momma handed you to me and said with that saucy smile of hers, ‘You didn’t get that boy you wanted but I’m willing to bet that this little girl will own you before we even get her home.’” Daddy chuckled and shook his head. “She was right. I never imagined someone so small could control me so completely. When you were learning to walk I swear each time you fell down I fell to my knees with you. When you first said Dada I cried like a baby. Then the day I had to take you to kindergarten and you held onto my leg. I was so tempted to pick you up and run back home where you were safe and happy. Josh and Jeremy had shown up and eased you away from me. But I’d gone home and cried again. I was the first parent in line to pick you up at the end of the day. You were all pigtails and smiles. You chattered the whole way home about playdough and story time. You hated nap time something fierce.” He stopped and let out another low chuckle.
“I love you, Daddy,” I managed to whisper through the lump in my throat.
“I love you too, baby girl.”
CAGE
I waited for Eva to speak first. She’d been quiet through dinner. When Wilson went to bed right after he’d finished eating, I’d seen the look he gave her. It had been an unspoken question. Eva had simply nodded and he’d kissed the top of her head before leaving the room. Nothing about that eased my mind. Not with the tense way Eva was holding her body. But I was waiting on her to talk.
She stopped walking when we got to the swing down behind the barn. We were out of viewing distance from any window in the house. That made me ease up a little. I didn’t want to have to worry about upsetting Wilson. Because I sure as hell wasn’t gonna like what she was about to say. I could see it all over her face.
“Swing with me,” she said simply.
“I don’t think I can sit down just yet. I need you to say what it is you brought me out here to say first,” I said. I was nervous. I might need to pace some. Sitting wasn’t an option.
Eva walked over and wrapped her arms around my waist and for a moment I was okay. Then she opened her mouth. “I want you to go to Tennessee. Tomorrow. You’ve waited a week already. No more putting them off. You leave tomorrow. Without me.”
“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “Hell, no,” I repeated.
“Let me talk, Cage. I’m not done.”
“Don’t give a shit. Nothing you say is changing my mind. I’m not leaving you. Now? How can you even think that would be okay? I can’t leave you, Eva.”
“Listen to me! You have to. For us. You have to leave. If you don’t leave then we will never make it. We won’t. You have fought for this scholarship and you got it. Now it’s time you take it. You go live it. You make a future for us. I’ll be there with you... one day. But you have to go start this now or we lose it. You have to do it with me here. We can talk on the phone everyday. You can come visit me on weekends when you’re free. We can do this. It isn’t forever.”
I wanted to yell but I’d scare her. Instead, I held her tighter against me. I couldn’t make it a f**king day without her. How was I supposed to go a week? Two weeks? I couldn’t do that. “Eva, I can’t live without you.”
“You wont’ be without me. I’ll be here. I’ll still be yours. You will still own my heart. We will just have distance between us for awhile. We can make it work. But you have to do this for our future, Cage.”
She wanted this for us. Not just me. She was worried about our future after her father was gone. Dammit. How could I leave her? Even if she wanted me to. “I can’t leave you,” I repeated because it was all I could say.
“You have to leave me. It’s what is best for us. These chances don’t come around every day. If you lose this... we lose this. It will always be a question in your mind of “what if?” and I don’t think I can live with that.”
I shook my head. “No. No. I won’t leave you because you’re worried about me regretting you and my choice. I will never, and I mean f**king never regret choosing you. Nothing is more important than you, Eva Brooks. Nothing.”
She pressed a kiss to my chest. “ I know that. That’s why I’m out here talking to you about this. I know that if it were a choice between me and baseball that you’d choose me. I don’t doubt that for a minute. But I need you to see that this is a choice for me. A choice for us, Cage. You going to Tennessee is choosing our future. That’s all it is. I know when I was upset last week that I asked you to stay with me but I was falling apart that day. I have had time to think. My daddy. . . my daddy won’t always be here. I need to spend what time I have left with him. But after he’s. . . after. . . we will need plans. A future. It’s your job to go create that future for us while I stay here and do what I have to do.”
Dammit! I understood what she was saying. She was right and I hated it. I couldn’t leave her. How the hell would I be able to focus without her there with me? I wasn’t me without her. But when this time in her life was over she’d need a man who could protect her and give her a future. Staying here and working at a mediocre job wouldn’t be the future she deserved. I wouldn’t be worthy of her then. I had to be the man she needed. Why did that have to hurt like hell?
“I don’t wanna be without you,” I said pulling her against me and burying my face in her hair.
“I know. But right now it’s what we have to do,” she replied.
“ You need me,” I tried again arguing a reason why I should stay.
“Always. But I need you to secure our future more than I need you here right now. I can spend time with Daddy. You go get that college scholarship and I’ll be there with you one day.”
One day. I knew she wasn’t saying soon or before too long because that would mean her dad was gone. She couldn’t say that. I understood. But one day was haunting me. What if she changed her mind? What if that one day came and she didn’t want me anymore?
“I need you to tell me you’ll love me forever. I need to know you aren’t going to leave me.” I was desperate but I wanted to hear her tell me I was it for her. That the future was us.
“No one else for me ever. You’re it. You’re my always.”
Chapter Six
EVA
The single bed in the corner of Cage’s old room in the barn didn’t have sheets on it. No one was sleeping there now. Daddy hadn’t sent Cage back to the barn this week. He had let him sleep in the guest bedroom.
Cage closed the door and locked it as I turned on the small window unit to cool the room down. Turning back around I was mesmerized at his beautiful body as he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the ground while he closed the distance between us. Cage wasn’t talking like he normally did. There was a desperate look in his eyes that broke my heart. I wanted to ease his fears. He didn’t trust our being apart. I would prove to him that we would be okay. In time.
I unbuttoned my shirt and let it fall to the floor with his. He reached around me and unsnapped my bra with ease that used to bother me. I was over his past experience now. I knew he was mine. I wasn’t insecure when it came to where I stood with Cage sexually. I was all he wanted. That was enough.
His hands moved to my waist and he unbuttoned my shorts then pushed them down along with my panties until I had to step out of them. “Lie down,” he said in a husky whisper.
I did as he said but kept my eyes on him as he took his jeans off. His wide chest and narrow waist and hips were perfectly sculpted. He was perfect. A man shouldn’t be so perfect. But mine was. I let my eyes roam over his muscular thighs and then the part of him that always brought me pleasure. Glancing up at his face I caught him smirking. He liked it when I looked at his body. I grinned back at him and he came over me.
“I need to love you tonight. I may need to love you all night,” he said as his hips moved between my legs.
Before I could respond his mouth was on mine. His tongue did those magical things that I could feel all over my body with just a simple flick. I held him close to me and kissed him back with every emotion I had in me. His lips moved down my neck as he whispered words against my skin. He loved me. He couldn’t live without me. I was his life.
And I was putty under his hands. I whimpered as he took a nipple into his mouth and sucked then bit down gently before lapping at it to ease the sharp pain. I ran my hands down his back to cup his bottom in my hands. The taunt muscles flexed under my touch and he groaned.
Then with one swift move he was inside me. I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist as he filled me.
“I love you so damn much,” he whispered as he pulled back and slid back inside of me. All I could do was cry out from the pleasure. “This is home. You’re my home,” he said before pumping into me harder. I reached up and grabbed his face and kissed him hard. I was sending him away but I was going to miss him. I was going to need him and he wasn’t going to be here. I couldn’t tell him that. I couldn’t let him know that I was dying inside thinking of dealing with this without him. I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive without his arms around me. But if I said that just once he wouldn’t go. So all I could do was love him. I would love him as hard and long as he would let me.
* * *
The dawn was coming through the window as I lay wrapped up in Cage’s arms on the small mattress. I hadn’t slept. He had fallen asleep after we had made love in the shower for the third time. That had been two hours ago. All I could do was watch him sleep. He would be leaving today. I wanted to enjoy having him hold me. Letting him walk away today was going to be hard. I couldn’t cry. If I did he would stay. I couldn’t say it was going to be hard or he would stay. I had to be strong. I had to pretend until he was gone. Then I could go to my room and fall apart.
His dark hair was getting long. It had been a few months since he’d cut it. The natural curl that showed up when he let it get too long was sexy. He hated it but I loved it. His long dark eyelashes curled up against his cheeks. I smiled to myself thinking about the first day I laid eyes on him. I’d thought he was gorgeous. I’d also thought he was a loser. How wrong I’d been.
Cage York had proved to be everything I wanted in life. I just hoped letting him go was the right thing to do. I was positive it was but there was that small fear that I could lose him. He was perfect. Women flocked to him. I wouldn’t be there on his arm. They’d come after him. I knew he loved me and I knew he’d never hurt me but still I worried. What if he accidentally met someone else and fell in love? What if missing me became too much?
No. I couldn’t think like that. I couldn’t. I had to trust us. Trust him. My focus had to be on Daddy. I wanted to make as many memories with my daddy as I could.
“Mine,” Cage mumbled in his sleep pulling me closer to him. Even in his sleep he knew what I needed. I kissed his chin and smiled. “Yes, I’m yours.”
CAGE
Eva walked out to my car with me. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. Leaving her. Fuck this felt wrong. But she’d woken me up and made love to me one more time this morning promising me that we’d be okay. That this was what she wanted what we needed.
I’d packed up the few things I had here and I was going to go back to the apartment and get my other things before I headed north. How was I gonna sleep tonight without her?
“Don’t make me do this,” I begged when we got to the car.
“We have to. Remember, this is for us,” she said squeezing my hand.
“Call Low if you need something. She’ll be here. She promised me she’d be by to check on you often. Marcus too. He said anything you need to call them.” I had called Low this morning while Eva took her shower. She’d talked me off a ledge because I was really close to breaking down. Low had heard the anxiety in my voice and walked me through why this was what we had to do. She’d agreed with Eva.
“I know. I’ll call them. I promise,” she assured me. I knew she had Jeremy but I needed to know she had Low too. I trusted Marcus and Low to protect her. To take care of her if she needed something. Jeremy I wasn’t so sure about. He’d wanted to ditch her before.