“I’m engaged. I can’t. . . My body. . . I j-just can’t,” I stammered, and ran into the house, letting the door slam behind me
CAGE
I swung open the door to the truck with more force than it needed and clenched my fists at my sides, trying to remain calm. It wasn’t working. Jeremy stopped checking the cow that we’d both noticed had been acting off all week. He didn’t even seem alarmed that I was worked up into a rage.
“Do you think you’re saving her? Is that what this shit is about? Because you two don’t touch. You sure as hell don’t kiss, and she hardly wears that damn ring. That baby is mine. Eva is mine!” I had started off talking calmly and ended my tirade in a roar.
Jeremy walked around the cow and glared at me. “You weren’t here. She was pregnant and watching her daddy die, and you weren’t here. I was,” Jeremy replied in a cold even tone. He was also right.
“I f**ked up. The biggest damn mistake of my life. But I’m going to prove to her I’m not leaving. I won’t let my baby grow up without me, and I’ll spend the rest of my life taking care of Eva. Even if you marry her. You say you’re in love with her, but how can you be? You only know the Eva who has been your friend your entire life. You don’t know her any other way. You don’t know the adorable way she smiles when you touch her in places you shouldn’t at the moment. You don’t know how her face looks when she wakes up in the morning and rolls over to look at you. You don’t know how complete I feel when I’m in her. You’ve never touched her and felt the insane electricity buzz through your body igniting you until you can’t catch your breath. A marriage is more than just a friendship. It’s physical, too. You have to want each other. You two don’t. I was her friend first too. But there was always that attraction sizzling under the surface. Don’t fool yourself. You can’t make her happy. You can be everything to her but not what a woman needs at night.” The angry edge left me as I stood there, watching as my words sunk in.
I could see it in his face. He knew I was right. He might not have wanted to admit it, but he knew it. “Have you even kissed her?” I asked.
Jeremy scowled. “No. She doesn’t see me like that yet.”
“Yet? Seriously? You’re gonna f**king marry her, and she doesn’t see you as someone she can kiss? Hell, she kissed me long before she liked me. Do you want that? It ain’t a life, man. I’ve had the real thing, and what your settling for ain’t gonna be enough. You’re gonna want a woman who comes alive under you and makes your world complete.”
“Sex isn’t everything,” he said with a frustrated growl, running his hand through his short hair.
“No. It’s not. But it’s something. It’s a big something. Make no mistake. I worship the ground Eva walks on. I love her smile. I love the way she gets in a snit and her lips get all pinched up. I love the way she thinks she has to cook for me. I love the fact that she lets me butter her biscuit. I love the way she curls into me at night and lets me hold her. I also love how perfect it is when I’m making love to her. How I feel complete. You can’t have one without the other.”
Jeremy looked back at the house. She’d run inside on me because I’d gotten too close and she was engaged. I hated not being able to get close to her now.
“She’s never gonna love me like she does you. I knew that when I asked her to marry me.”
“Again, why would you want that?”
“I. . . hell, I don’t know. I just did it. She was so scared and she had to tell her dad about the baby. She wanted him to know. I wanted to make it easier for her. I thought if I told her I was in love with her then she would change around me. But nothing changed. She doesn’t want me, and you’re right. I want more than that. I want someone who wants to touch me. Who wants me to kiss them. Who lights up when I walk into a room. I’ve always seen it, but I’ve never had it.”
“I hadn’t either until Eva. You’ll find yours. But Eva’s not it for you. She’s mine.”
Jeremy sat down on the tailgate and let out a weary sigh. “What do you want me to do? I can’t go break it off with her. She’s waiting for you to run off to Tennessee any day now. I watch her mentally prepare herself every day that you drive off. She’s telling herself you won’t be back.”
“I’m not leaving.”
He looked back at me. “What about your classes? Your scholarship? Baseball?”
“Took my exams online. Gave up my scholarship. I hated that place. Eva wasn’t there. She’s here, so this is my home. Wherever she is.”
He out a short laugh and shook his head. “You gave up a full-ride to play baseball? You’re one crazy shit.”
“I was. I’m trying to change that.”
He smirked. “Yeah, I noticed. You gonna finish school? She’s gonna be upset if she thinks you can’t finish college now.”
“Already applied for a student loan to South. I’ll start next fall.”
He nodded. “I see. You got it all figured out.”
“I came home for Eva. I’m not leaving her again.”
Jeremy turned to study me a moment. “Were any of those pictures real? Did you do that shit?”
I shook my head. “No. It was all a setup. I was there to take the pitcher’s spot, and he saw me as a threat. He thought he’d screw me up and send me running home if he messed with my relationship with Eva.”
I explained each photo to him and then the video. When I was done, we sat there in silence for a long time.
Finally Jeremy stood up. “Treat her right,” he said, and putting his hat on, he turned and walked back to the cow he’d been working with.
Chapter Nineteen
EVA
From the window in the living room I watched Cage’s car drive away. It was Friday. He wouldn’t be back. He’d go to school this weekend. He hadn’t talked to me about Bliss and when he wanted to see her or how he intended to be a part of her life. He hadn’t even asked when my next doctor’s appointment was or when she was due.
At breakfast he’d acted like he had all week. He was buttering my biscuit again. He didn’t even ask me. He just fixed my plate. And I let him while Jeremy sat there and watched. I was weak. I was also so freaking confused. What had this week even meant? Was he proving to me that what I had with Jeremy was a joke? That I was pretending again? Because I already knew that. I didn’t need him showing me how wrong I’d been.
I couldn’t marry Jeremy. I had to talk to him. Even with Cage gone, I needed to figure that out on my own. Jeremy needed to go back to school. I wasn’t destitute. I had this house and land, and Daddy had left me plenty of money in the bank. Not to mention all the stocks he had money invested in. It was time I stopped relying on someone else to save me. Bliss needed me to be strong.
The door in the kitchen opened, and I turned my head toward the sound. “Knock, knock,” Jeremy called out.
“I’m in the living room,” I replied, walking away from the window. He didn’t need to see me sulking over Cage’s leaving.
When he stepped into the room, I knew that was it. I had to end it. I had to set him free.
“We need to talk,” we both said at the same time.
Jeremy chuckled, and his crooked grin appeared. “I’m guessing we need to talk about the same thing,” he said.
I wasn’t so sure. I waited for him to say more.
“This. . . We aren’t it, Eva. We never were it. And now that we’ve had a week to deal with your daddy’s passing and we’re finding our feet, we both know this isn’t. . . it.”
Oh, thank God. I wanted to sink down onto the sofa and let out a relieved sigh. I didn’t, though. I wasn’t sure that was what he wanted to see right now. He’d been ready to sacrifice his happiness for me and I’d never forget that. “I do love you, Jeremy.”
He nodded. “I know you do. I love you, too. But we don’t have that attraction, that chemistry that goes with loving someone who you’re gonna spend your forever with.”
I had never been able to bring myself to touch him in any way other than with a friendly hug or pat. “I know,” I agreed.
“I want that. You’ve had it. I’ve seen it and I want it too. You’re amazing. Finding someone who can compare to you will be hard, but I want that heat. I want that desire. Someone told me once that I needed to find the girl who makes me feel complete. . . in every way.”
I wanted that for him too. “Yes, you do.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the ring I’d tried to put on all day and couldn’t bring myself to. “I’d sell this one and save my money for that girl. But whatever you do, don’t give her this ring. If she ever found out I had it first, she just might beat your ass,” I teased as I handed it back to him.
He laughed as he took it from me. “Yeah. Good idea. I’ll remember that.”
We stood there a moment and stared at each other, unsure of what to say next.
“I have cookie dough ice cream in the fridge. You want a bowl?” I asked. “We can walk down to the swing and eat it.” I wanted that friendship back. I wasn’t going to let an awkwardness settle between us.
“Bowl? Hell girl, get the carton and two spoons. We don’t need no stinking bowls.”
We were going to be okay. I smiled as a weight was lifted from my chest. This was right.
* * *
Jeremy had brought a quilt that I’d left folded on the sofa with him. We covered up on the swing, and I let him hold the carton because it was too cold on the outside for me. My hands couldn’t handle it.
“You thought about Christmas yet? If you want a tree, I’ll cut you one down. Just say the word.”
I hadn’t thought too much about Christmas. Last year Cage and I had come over and had lunch with Daddy. He hadn’t done much decorating. I always did the decorating. This year I’d be spending it without Daddy and Cage. My heart wasn’t really in the spirit. “I don’t know. I’ll get back to you on that.”
Jeremy took another spoonful of ice cream from the carton. “You always loved Christmas, Eva. Shame to stop loving it now.”
He was right. Next year I’d have Bliss. I wanted to make it special for her. But this year. . . I just wasn’t sure I could. It was just me. “I won’t stop loving it. I just may take a year break from it.”
Jeremy shot me an amused grin. “You can’t take a break from Christmas. It’s coming with or without you.”
He wanted to see me happy again and I understood that. I just wasn’t really ready for happy just yet. “Watch me,” I shot back, and put another bite in my mouth.
We sat there for a few moments without talking. My thoughts had gone to Cage and if he was headed home this weekend. I wondered if he would call and ask about Bliss.
“Do you think that they can see us?” Jeremy asked, and I looked around for someone who he might be referring to. “I mean, your parents and Josh. Do you think they can still see us? Would this make them happy, seeing us like this? Still living life.”
Jeremy didn’t normally get real deep. I was surprised he’d thought about that or even asked me. I had thought about it many times in the past. I had liked to think my momma was watching me when I grew up. Then Josh when I’d found Cage. I hoped he saw that I’d found happiness again. But now, I wasn’t sure I wanted them to see me. I wasn’t exactly doing anything for them to be proud of. I wasn’t in school. I wasn’t married nor was I getting married, and I was going to be a single mom. I had also used my best friend as a crutch.
“Right now, Jeremy, I really hope they can’t. I don’t think they’d be happy with my choices.”
Jeremy reached over and patted my knee. “I think you’re wrong. I think they’d be proud of the strong person you’ve become. I think they’d be proud that although you’ve been through more grief and loss than one person deserves, you’re still finding reasons to smile. I also think you’re gonna be the best damn momma the world has ever known. And they’ll be so proud of that.”
A tear rolled down my cheek and I wondered if he was right. I really hoped he was.
CAGE
I almost broke down and went to her house Saturday after Jeremy called to tell me he had talked to her and they’d ended things. But I didn’t. I was giving her time to adjust. Time to think about it before I showed back up on Monday morning. Jeremy also informed me that she wasn’t expecting me on Monday. She was sure I had headed back to school.
When I pulled into her driveway at six Monday morning, I couldn’t keep from smiling. She was free. She had nothing to feel guilty about the next time I touched her. And she wasn’t expecting me. This was gonna be a good day.
My phone dinged in my lap and I looked down to see a text from Jeremy.
Not coming for the next three days. I’m headed to the hunting camp. See you Thursday.
Either he was giving us time alone, which I would need to thank him for, or he was testing me to see if I was really in this. I was still proving myself, but it had only been a week. I expected no less.
I walked by the porch and glanced at the door. Then I stopped. Eva was standing there behind the screen, staring at me. She was wearing a pair of my boxer shorts and a long-sleeved thermal shirt. Her hair was messy. She’d just woken up.
“Morning, sweetheart.”
She opened the door and stepped outside, and I saw the tube socks that she had on her feet. Damn, she looked cute. “You’re back,” she said, staring at me like she wasn’t sure yet if she was awake.