Fuck. Cowboy would think I’d left. I didn’t know how to get a hold of him, and with Candi locked out too, there wasn’t anyone for me to have reach out to him.
Maybe I could make a fake account? No, that wouldn’t work. I had to provide all of my information to get paid. Shit. Shit. Shit.
My apartment building came into view, and I hurriedly rushed up the stairs. My food was in one hand, my keys in the other as I beelined for my door. If I could check online, then I’d know. I could try to get some answers before it was too late.
My phone started ringing, and I went to reach for it, my food creating a barrier to grab it. Pulling it out, I raised it to my ear to answer. “Hello?”
“Darcie. Shit. Have you gotten on? Did they get you too?”
“I don’t know. I’m just getting home. How did this happen?” I asked, juggling my stuff to open the door. Once inside, I tossed everything onto the counter and opened my computer. I set the phone down, pushing the speaker button.
“Candi, I can’t get in either. Shit. What do we do now?”
“I don’t know. I’m so sorry, Darcie.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said, trying not to panic.
“It kind of feels like it. I violated the rule. I fell in love with a client.” She started sobbing, and I soothed her with nonsensical words, but all I could think was I’d never get to talk to Cowboy again.
Diary #13
Dear Mom,
Everything is shit.
Love,
Darcie
Fourteen
DARCIE
Without the website to fall back on, I had to start picking up more shifts at the bar. Thankfully, I made more money as a manager, and I’d saved a lot over the years, but I’d also spent a lot. A girl and her shoes were sacred.
The official story was that the site had been hacked by a jealous lover and reported to the FBI that underage girls were there. While they were investigating, everyone was shut down as they combed through all the videos and messages. It made me feel violated in a way I’d never considered before. It was fine when it was people talking to me, but random men and women viewing things out of context felt a lot like someone reading my diary.
While I did miss the money, I missed Shadow and Cowboy more, even if I hadn’t heard from Shadow in a while. I wished I’d thought of some contingency plan on how to connect, but I never thought this would happen, and my dad would say that was my first mistake. “Always know your escape plan and be prepared for it all to go to shit.”
Needless to say, I’d be doing that from now on. It seemed even when I guarded my heart, I was still capable of being hurt.
“What’s crawled up your butt?” Damon asked, eyeing me.
“Eww, and nothing.”
He watched me, not buying my lie. “You’ve been a downer for a month straight. What gives? Your boyfriend dump you? Did you get herpes? Your favorite boy band break up?”
Scrunching up my nose, I stuck my tongue out at him. We’d officially moved into enemy territory now. “Why would I tell you? You’ll just use it for ammo.”
He sighed, rubbing his forehead like I exhausted him. “Contrary to what you believe, I don’t hate you, Darcie.”
“Sure. Let’s go with that.” I rolled my eyes, rolling up the silverware.
“I’m trying to ask what’s going on. No ulterior motives.” I eyed him, assessing his sincerity. He did look like he was being honest, with no plans to dump a bucket of ice on me.
“Fine, but I doubt there’s anything you can do. I had a friend from an, um, chat room that I’ve lost contact with. I don’t know their real name or even where they live, and the server is down, so there’s no way for me to get in touch with them. I just miss them and want them to know I’m okay too.”
“Hmm, yeah, that sucks. Sorry.”