When I walk inside, she’s standing by the sink, splashing her face with cold water and her mouth tightens when she sees me. It’s not a look that I want. I want her eyes to light up. Not look like she wants space.
“Stan, I need some time alone...”
“The fuck you do,” I growl and she twitches. “What the hell happened just now?” If she thinks I’m going to allow some asshole put this much doubt in her, she’s wrong. Nobody puts doubt in her. Nobody makes her feel like she’s not good enough. Not while I’m around.
“Please, I just want to be on my own...”
“Tell me what to do.”
“You can’t do anything,” she says, a little exasperated.
“I need to do something,” I snarl, stabbing my hair with my fingers and a strange panic spreads in my head.
Drying her face carefully, Amber shrugs, picking up a mascara from her purse. “That man...Davidos. He represents one of the record labels, I want to sign me. But he’s the worst. Cruel. And if I mess up even a little he lets every other record label know.”
“You want me to get rid of him?”
She startles, stopping with the mascara in the air and her mouth opens in shock. A second later she gives me a wide smile. “You almost had me there, you know that? I thought you were serious.”
I am.
But judging by the look on her face I guess she doesn’t want me to do it then.
Brushing my knuckles down her spine, I murmur in her ear, “Are you going to go back out there?”
Her lip trembles, before she bites it. “I have to. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Disappoint me? That’s what she’s worried about? Me? When I’m nothing compared to her. When I’m twisted and she’s all good?
Clasping her face in my hands, I murmur, “You could never disappoint me. Not like that. The only way you can disappoint me is when you don’t let me near you. When you pushed your hand away...” I straighten, “it hurt.”
“I never want to hurt you,” she whispers and she’s all mine again. She makes me weak inside, stops my heart then starts it right up again.
“I know,” I answer because there can be no pain between us. I kiss her lids, the tip of her nose and her mouth. Her pretty, trembling mouth. “Just don’t do it again.”
Our fingers are interlocked as we walk out and Amber looks less pale. I don’t want to let go, but she’s about to go up on stage. She throws me a look over her shoulder as she does and I go and take my seat next to Gina and Gautier.
On stage, Amber takes her position and in the dark our eyes find each other. I know she can see me and she starts playing, never breaking our contact. And I feel her. I feel her everywhere. And I know she feels me.
Everybody else disappears. It’s just me and her. It will always be only the two of us. I will never let anyone break us apart. Not even me and not even her.
“Well, well,” Gina says once the concert is finished and we’re all clapping, “not bad.”
She was more than not bad, she was...
“Amazing,” I say when Amber walks down the stage and using my frame I block both Gina and Gautier from getting to her. I wrap her up in a hug, lifting her a little off the ground and she lets out a short squeak.
“Really?” she breathes, looking up at me. “You’re not just saying that?”
Gina shoves her elbow into my side, trampling all over Amber’s personal space. Gautier does the same but more stiffly. Their conversation is a mix of halfhearted praise and criticism and Amber listens carefully, but her eyes keep going to me.
With my hands in my pockets, I nod at her. Wanting her to know how supported she is. How important. I’ll always let her use me. She can use me as her mental crutch, her fuck toy...anything she wants.
Her lips pull into a smile and my eyes warm, my heart expanding when someone behind me says,
“Do you mind?”
I tense, realizing it was him Amber was smiling at and for a second everything goes silent. No sound in my ears except for a buzzing and I get a metallic taste in my mouth.