No one stops to ask how I am.
No one lingers to wait.
Because to them, I am no one.
But I’d rather be no one than one of them.
The week doesn’t get much better.
I avoid Cole—not that it takes much effort, given the fact that he barely looks twice at me. And I avoid every message Tim sends me, and there are a lot.
Eight in total. Each more desperate than the one before.
Please, Hadley, I just want to talk.
Hadley, I know you’ve read my messages. I’m not asking for anything, just a reply. Please.
And my personal favorite.
I miss you.
I need to block him. I should have done it the first time his name popped up in my chat box. But I can’t do it. Instead, I punish myself with his words, his confession. I lie in my dorm room every night, obsessing over every single word, wondering what he’s thinking, what he’s doing.
And I sink further into the dark waters surrounding me.
I can’t help it.
By the time Monday rolls around, I’m hardly surprised to find Remi waiting for me as I leave the dorm building.
“We need to talk,” she says, leveling me with a hard look.
“I’m fine.” The lie rolls off my tongue as I take off toward the school. She falls into step beside me, grabbing my arm.
“Just wait a second, okay?”
With a small sigh, I stop and turn to meet her conflicted gaze. “I’m—”
“Fine, yeah, I got it. Except I know you, Hadley, and something is going on. I know I said I wouldn’t push, but I’m worried. This isn’t like you.”
“I just have some stuff going on.”
“You can tell me, I won’t judge. Whatever it is, I’ll keep it between us.”
“I...” I could tell her about Tim at least. But I’m scared if I unlock that box I will never be able to close it again.
Seeing his name, reading his words… it was muddying my mind. I was back in sophomore year, just a girl head over in heels in love with a boy. A girl who didn’t realize that her world was about to be obliterated in the worst possible way.
Emotion rushes up my throat, making my eyes sting.
“Hadley, please...”
I clutch my stomach, a wave of nausea crashing over me.
“I’m not feeling so well. I’ll call you later.” I slip around her and hurry back toward the building. A couple of girls eye me as I brush past them, racing to my room. I just manage to get inside and into the bathroom as my breakfast makes a reappearance.
Sinking to my knees, I hug the toilet bowl.
When there’s nothing left to purge, I grab a towel and wipe my face. Sweat coats my skin and my stomach vibrates with pain.