I don’t.
Because I’m too broken.
My heart is no longer whole. It’s all jagged edges and gaping holes. When I’m with Cole though, I can breathe easier. He makes me feel like it’s okay to bask in the darkness.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” I say, pretty certain I know what’s coming.
“What happened Friday night with them?”
My cheeks flush as I remember how Cole had punished me while Conner stood on the other side of the door, listening.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Remi adds.
“No, it’s not that. I just... it’s hard to explain.”
“Do you want them both?”
“What? No! That’s not it at all. I like Conner, but he isn’t...” I trail off, searching for the right words.
“He isn’t the one your heart wants.”
“Yeah. I like Conner but I feel something else for Cole.”
“Is it something to do with what happened to you before you came here?” she asks quietly.
“Remi,” I sigh. I really don’t want to get into this with her, not today.
“Sorry, I’m just trying to understand. We’ve known each other over two years, yet I still feel like I know nothing about you.”
“We all have secrets, Remi.”
“I know and you’re entitled to keep yours. I just hope you know I’m always here. I might be with Ace now, but I was friends with you long before the Jaggers turned our worlds upside down.” She shoots me a warm smile, but it morphs into a grimace.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Ugh. Period cramps. Guys have it so fucking easy.”
I tense.
“What is it?” She frowns.
“I don’t know.” But there’s something niggling the back of my mind, and I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and sit up.
“Hads?” she asks as I move over to the desk where I keep a calendar.
“Huh.” My stomach drops as I note the date.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” She gets up and joins me.
“I’m late.”
“Late, what do you—shit, you missed your period?”
I nod, fighting the urge to puke all over her.
This cannot be happening.