Suzie gives me a thumbs-up before closing the door. I’m surprised she’s leaving me alone with the client. The nosy woman hates leaving me alone with clients. The only reason I manage to get any privacy in my office at all is her duty to answer the phone.
“Hi. I’m Hailey McGraw.” I shake her hand.
“Debbie Monroe,” she introduces herself.
“Please, have a seat.” I motion to the chair in front of my desk. Once we’re both seated, I get started. “How can I help you today?”
“I need you to find out what my cat is up to when I’m at work.” Not a cheating husband after all then.
My brow wrinkles. “Did you say cat?” Please, please, please, let me have heard her wrong.
“Yes.” She nods and places her hands primly in her lap. Oh boy. The middle-aged woman has taken a trip to Crazyville.
“Can I ask you why you need to have your cat followed?”
“I think Fifi has a boyfriend.” I hope Fifi is the name of the cat.
“And you don’t want Fifi to have a boyfriend?”
She tuts. “Of course, I want Fifi to have a boyfriend. A boyfriend I approve of.”
I cough to hide the laugh dying to burst from me. Crazy cat lady needs to approve her cat’s boyfriend. Just when you think you’ve heard it all.
“I take it you let your cat roam outside while you are at work.” I wait for her nod before continuing. “If you’re concerned Fifi is getting into boy trouble, why don’t you keep her inside?”
“I can’t do that! Poor Fifi would be bored to tears if she couldn’t roam around the neighborhood during the day.”
Poor Fifi needs to get away from crazy cat lady is what needs to happen. “If you’re worried Fifi is going to have kittens, you could always have her fixed.”
“Have her fixed?” Debbie clutches her non-existent pearls. “Fixed? Like she’s some poor animal.” I’m confused. Are we not talking about her cat? Is cat a euphemism for something else? “Besides, I want Fifi to have kittens someday, just not with the boy she’s currently running around with.”
“Perhaps you could approach the cat’s owner and explain.”
Debbie grins. “Finally! You understand. This is why I need you. I need you to follow Fifi. Find out who this tomcat is she’s involved with and stop this nonsense.”
I hear Suzie start sneezing like a maniac. “Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!” Those are the worst fake sneezes I’ve ever heard.
I stand to go see what the hell her problem is when my phone buzzes. I look down to see a message. Tell her you’re allergic to cats! Have I mentioned Suzie is brilliant?
I frown at Debbie. “I’m sorry to hear about Fifi’s problems, but I’m afraid I can’t help you. I’m allergic to cats.”
“But surely you can follow Fifi without getting too close.”
“But how would I ever catch the scoundrel cat who has been taking advantage of Fifi? I would need to get close to him to see his collar, so I could get in touch with his owners.” I shake my head as if I’m disappointed I can’t help her. See what I mean about acting coming in handy in my job?
“Oh. This is disappointing. You came highly recommended.”
I stand and walk to the door of my office. Hint. Hint. Crazy cat lady, it’s time to go. Debbie stands and follows me. “Good luck with Fifi. I’m sure it will all work out in the end.”
I shut the door on Debbie and then turn my glare on Suzie. “You couldn’t have talked to Ms. Cat Lady before making an appointment,” I hiss. “I came here on a Saturday for this.”
Suzie giggles. “She wouldn’t tell me what the issue was on the phone. She said it was a delicate matter.” She jumps out of her seat and bounces toward me. Her seat goes flying behind her and runs into the wall before bouncing back and crashing into her legs. She carries on like nothing happened. “Now, onto more important matters.”
I shut off the lights and usher her out of the office while shaking my head. “Nope. I’m done for the day. I’m going home and climbing into my bed, a bed I should have never left.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll come over tonight then.”
I stop and swivel around to look at her. “Come over tonight? Why would you come over tonight?” Not like Suzie isn’t welcome at my house, but me and my hangover need some alone time.