Love, and trust, when not given freely, meant nothing at all.
So she’d buckle down. She’d do her job and after she submitted her final report she wouldn’t have to see or talk to Carrick again. Not for a few months anyway. She had time before she had to introduce him to his child.
Maybe by then, her heart would’ve healed.
Ignoring that sharp pain in her chest, she forced herself to read the entries of a diary written by one of Winslow Homer’s friends, concentrating on the spidery handwriting, looking for words that might be a reference to Homer, art or paintings. She was a third of the way through an entry when a passage caught her eye...
I watched Winslow work on the third of a series of paintings today detailing the lives of slave women on a plantation just south of here. He stood in the fields and watched the two children play, sketching rapidly. The detail took my breath away...the torn pocket on the girl child’s pinafore, the faint scar above the boy’s eyebrow...
Wait...
Sadie felt the thump of excitement, the taste of a breakthrough in her mouth. Scrabbling for a folder she’d left on the floor, she yanked it open, not caring when the papers inside fluttered to the ground. She didn’t care about the documents; she needed the photographic reprint she’d made of the painting...
Sadie turned the photograph to the light coming from the lamp and—yes! Sadie punched the air with her fist.
The girl’s pocket was torn; the boy did have a scar over his eyebrow...she had proof! It wasn’t a solid provenance, but she was getting there and it was a lot more than she’d had before.
Sadie heard the knock on her door and, still holding the photograph, she walked into the small hallway to yank open the door.
The first thing she saw was a massive bunch of flowers and she instantly recognized the hand that held them. If Carrick thought she could be bribed by a bunch of flowers as an apology, he was in for a rude shock.
She pushed the flowers away to look up into his face, her Homer discovery instantly forgotten. He looked older than he had yesterday, drawn and wan. It was obvious that his night had been as horrible as hers but she wasn’t angelic enough to feel bad about that.
He deserved to feel like an ass because he’d acted like one.
“What do you want?” she demanded, folding her arms and sending him a belligerent look.
He tried to push the flowers toward her, but she just narrowed her eyes. His hand, and the arrangement, dropped to his side. “Can I come in?”
“What’s the point?”
Carrick looked like he was trying to hold on to his temper. “The point is that I have things to say and I’d prefer not to say them in the hallway.”
Sadie just lifted her eyebrows and planted her feet. “I’d prefer you not to have acted like an ass, but we don’t always get what we want, do we?”
Carrick looked up to the ceiling and sighed. “I should’ve realized this wouldn’t be easy.”
Sadie was tired, she was upset and she didn’t have the energy to face the man who couldn’t give her what she wanted. “Carrick, so far today I’ve spoken to Beth and to my parents. Neither conversation was easy. I’m upset and emotional and tired. Please just go.”
“No.”
Carrick then lifted his arms and the flowers flew past her head. Sadie turned and watched them land next to the coffee table, scattering leaves and petals on the beige carpet. “Did that make you feel better?” she asked the scowling Carrick.
“No, but this will.” Carrick gripped her hips, pulled her into him and covered her lips with his.
Sadie didn’t even try to resist. Her anger dissipated as his tongue twirled around hers, as he placed his hand behind her head to hold her still. Kissing Carrick was all she wanted to do for the rest of her life, but she couldn’t do it on and off, on a friends-with-benefits basis. She needed his love, his trust, his commitment. She needed what he didn’t have to give.
Sadie pushed her hands against his chest and Carrick immediately released her. Walking back into her apartment, Sadie bit down on her bottom lip and stared at him, feeling like her heart was being ripped in two. “I can’t do this, Carrick.”
“Why not?”
“Because I need love, I need your trust, I need...everything.”
Carrick nodded. “Okay.”
He was too quick to agree, too fast off the line. “That wasn’t how you felt last night.”
Carrick nodded, and Sadie realized that his eyes were a shade of green she’d never seen before. It was like there was a gold flame burning behind his irises, allowing them to glow. “As you pointed out, last night I was an ass. Today I hope I am a little less of an ass.”