Sadie drew circles on his chest with her fingers. Last night they’d delved into her past, her murky marriage, but his past had been off-limits.
He still wasn’t prepared to explain...
She’d exposed herself last night, rolled away the boulder to allow him to look inside her carefully concealed cave, but Carrick had given her nothing. He still refused to speak about Tamlyn or their marriage.
But did it matter? Did Sadie need him to? Whatever happened between him and his ex had nothing to do with her, and while she would never condone abuse of any kind, she was adult enough to know that some women didn’t always tell the truth.
Carrick wasn’t anything like Tamlyn had portrayed him. He wasn’t the jerk, the arrogant, derisive man she’d described.
He was confident, he didn’t suffer fools, but he wasn’t cruel. Or selfish. Or ugly.
He loved his family, he was ethical in his business practices and he treated everyone he met, from janitors to wealthy clients, with respect. Sadie couldn’t imagine him treating his wife with anything less than the respect he automatically gave others.
She wasn’t going to speculate as to why Tamlyn spread rumors about Carrick—anger over being rejected, a need for revenge?—Sadie just knew that Tamlyn had lied.
She’d trusted Tamlyn’s version because nobody had believed Sadie’s. Sadie now knew that she’d misplaced that trust, that she’d believed something because she’d wanted to believe it.
And because, God, this was hard to admit, it didn’t make her feel quite as much of an idiot, quite so alone, knowing that Tamlyn—so smart—had also had a mess of a marriage.
Sadie had also wanted to believe he was a bastard in his marriage because it placed a barrier between him and her, a wall her heart couldn’t climb. But time spent with Carrick dissolved that wall...
Dennis hadn’t shown his true colors until much later in their relationship; maybe Carrick would do the same...
Sadie shook her head, her fingers digging into Carrick’s skin. No, that was just her mind playing tricks on her, wanting her to be safe, protected. Her heart knew that, with Carrick, she was safe, she was protected. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt her, including himself.
Peace, warm and soft, rolled over her, and Sadie released an enormous sigh, every inch of her body going lax as she surrendered to the truth. She trusted Carrick, a surprise when she thought she’d never trust anyone again.
But she was also going to have a baby with Carrick and he was going to be in her life for a long time. She might be on that slippery slope sliding into love, but he didn’t love her—there was no law that stated if you loved someone they had to love you back. And since she wasn’t sixteen, she knew the difference between sex and love and she had no illusions that sleeping together meant anything more than mutual attraction.
If she couldn’t stop herself from falling in love with him—and she intended to try to stop herself—she’d have to hide her love for him. She would never be that woman who would do or say or be anything to get a man to love her.
She’d done that before. She’d lost herself in pursuit of love, and she categorically refused to do that again.
Carrick felt Sadie’s breath against his skin, felt her narrow chest rising and falling, and wondered what she was thinking about. He glanced down and saw the frown between her eyebrows, the tension in her mouth. He swallowed down the offer to help her figure it out.
Did he want to go there? Did he want to dive deeper?
They’d already covered a lot of emotional ground last night and he didn’t know if he wanted to cover more. He needed to keep her at arm’s length emotionally, not physically. He simply couldn’t stomach losing another woman he loved.
He’d loved his mom, and she’d died. He’d loved Raeni, and ditto. Tamlyn, he’d loved as much as he could at the time, and she’d messed with his head and his reputation.
He could not afford to repeat past mistakes, because it hurt too damn much.
And he and Sadie had to keep their heads on straight. Their child would be the bridge between them and if they allowed their emotions to become involved, if he and Sadie fell out, their child would suffer.
He refused to allow that to happen.
So no. Just no. They had to keep this simple.
Sex they could handle; love was a biological weapon.
“I love your skin,” Carrick said, wanting to remind them both that loving her body was as far as he was prepared to go.
“I love you touching my skin,” Sadie replied, her voice dropping to a sexy murmur. He was sure she didn’t realize that her voice deepened when she was aroused.
She could recite the most boring text in that sexy voice and he’d be hard in, like, two seconds.
As he was right now.