Chapter 6
THE JET LAG HAD finally caught up to Calista and she slept in the next day, missing her ride to Devil’s Bay. She had purposely only booked a beach trip for the first full day. It was an excursion she could stand to miss if something happened, and her initial thoughts were correct. Still, she was a bit bummed out that she did.
The good thing about this resort was the private beach in walking distance of her room. To be honest, Devil’s Bay would have more than likely been too crowded anyway. Cali still felt self-conscious in her swimsuits and the more people around her, the more uncomfortable she would be.
It’s for the best.Even though she kept telling herself that, Cali couldn’t quite make herself believe it. She had promised her best friends she wouldn’t be the same person here that she was in Boston. The truth of the matter was that no matter how far she tried to venture out of her comfort zone, the same insecurities dragged her back. Sometimes she wondered if the uphill battle was even worth it.
Sure, she lived alone, only went out with the few friends she had, and spent most of her time behind a computer, but she didn’t dwell on those negatives. Cali had learned a long time ago to embrace what she had and make the best out of anything life threw at her. The problem was that nothing was being thrown her way. She was truly in a rut and this vacation was supposed to snap her out of it.
It had only been one day and not even a full one if you only considered her time here in Virgin Gorda. Clinging to that logic, she sighed deeply as she looked out over the ocean in the distance. Now rested and refreshed, the scenery alone should’ve been enough to provide inspiration to anyone, even her. Setting her bottle of water down, she went back inside to retrieve her laptop, thankful that this resort had stellar Wi-Fi despite its remote location.
“I might as well get something done before this entire day is wasted,” she said aloud to herself.
While it powered on, she moved the small table in front of her, setting her laptop on it. Whenever she wrote, it always helped to clear her mind of everything and being here helped with that. Cali was a firm believer in meditation, and closing her eyes, she allowed her senses to create a picture of her surroundings.
All of the sounds, from those of the waves crashing against the shore to those of the sea birds in the distance, invoked a sense of calm within her. She had some of those nature CDs at home that she occasionally played, but they couldn’t hold a candle to the real thing. The sounds may have been accurate, but even they couldn’t capture the warm breeze tickling her bare skin like the caress of a lover, or the smell of salt that permeated the air around her.
A deep, calming breath later, Cali reopened her eyes and the view was exactly as she’d pictured it. Or at least it was until she heard the exuberant laughter of what sounded like children playing in the pool. She sighed and looked back at her laptop. Silence and peace always escaped her back home too, so she shouldn’t have expected things to be any different here in paradise. Considering her time in Virgin Gorda, she hadn’t even been on the island a full day. Clinging to that logic, she looked out over the horizon.
The view was the perfect beginning to her next “boy meets girl” romance novel. As her mind conjured up the image of a fair-headed maiden and a dashingly devilish hero, Cali’s fingers flew over the keys. As she typed out the slideshow in her head, she realized how much easier it would be to write about something when you’d actually experienced it. She’d always wanted to visit somewhere exotic, and now that she was finally here, she’d have to make the most of her time.
She wrote a few chapters before finally losing the desire. Maybe she was still jet lag, or maybe she just needed a change of scenery. Getting up, she went back inside and started to think of what she should do next. Cali had no specific plans in mind for the evening and as she lay across her bed, thoughts about the things Emily would do here at the resort ran through her head.
“Put on something sexy and join us at the bar,” the voice in her head urged. Emily and Natalie were constantly trying to talk her into hanging out with them on the weekends, but bars and clubs were just not her scene.
Her friends were extremely self-confident and adventurous, always living life to the fullest and never caring about what the world thought. Both women were sexual, often leaving a trail of admirers at their feet. Over the years, the women had tried to fix Cali up with different men, but she lacked self-confidence. “Maybe another time,” she’d always say, her standard answer to their constant pleading. The so-called “other time” just never came to fruition.
What she wouldn’t give to be able to step outside of herself for even one night, just to experience what it felt like to live in the moment. For as long as Cali could remember, every action she took was to get closer to a goal. Now that she had everything she’d ever wanted, there was only one thing left: a relationship.
Cali wasn’t interested in settling down. She’d have to be able to string together more than a few dates before even considering anything like that. While her common sense won out more often than not, it didn’t erase the fact that she had needs of her own. The physical ones she could take care of in a solo capacity, but sometimes she wished she didn’t have to.
“You don’t have to be all alone, Cal.” Emily’s words echoed in her ears. “You’re so pretty and sweet. You just need to believe in yourself.”
“Pretty,” she would snort. “Hardly.”
“You just need to see yourself the way others see you.”
They’d had that same conversation more than once. Here she was on an island, surrounded by people she would probably never see again after this trip. The only decisions she had to make were ones regarding what to do next with her time.
Thinking back to the man she’d seen from the balcony the night before, a surge of heat rushed through her. She’d spent last night dreaming about his eyes roaming her body as she lay beneath him. He was broad-shouldered, so the only thing in her line of vision as she looked up would be him. Could she truly let her guard down long enough to ever find herself in that position? Dreams are dreams for a reason. Right?
“Can I really do this?” she asked herself.
Seconds turned into minutes as her mind continued to wander. Cali wanted to have some fun here, but honestly she didn’t really know how to. Where do I start? Closing her eyes, she tried to recall some of the stories Emily and Natalie had told her over the years. Those women always made everything sound so easy.
“Don’t think so hard about everything, Cal. Sometimes you need to just feel and respond.” That was Natalie’s advice to Cali before she left for the trip.
Making the decision to ingest some liquid courage while hanging out at one of the resort’s bars, Cali got dressed and pulled her hair atop her head, allowing a few loose tendrils to hang down and frame her face. Taking one last look at her reflection in the mirror, she grabbed her room key, heading in the direction of a smaller one not too far from her cabin.