Kat: I’m sorry, I just… I panicked. You caught me off guard tonight. I thought you didn’t want me.
Styx: I always want you, Kitty Kat. Don’t mistake my attempt at doing the right thing for me not wanting you.
Why couldn’t he have said this to me before? Before I started fooling around with Ryder?
Damn you, Styx.
I try to steer the conversation to safer shores.
Kat: Does this change anything?
Styx: What do you mean?
Kat: If I’d have let you do it… would it have changed anything?
My cell starts ringing again, and I hesitate. Do I really want to hear his voice when I’m so confused?
Stupidity wins, and I hit answer.
“Hi.”
“Talk to me, Kitty Kat. What’s going on in that head of yours.”
“I…”
“Kat, you can talk to me. Always.”
“I’ve been seeing someone,” I blurt out, the relief instant. But then a heavy weight plunks in my stomach as the line goes silent.
“You’ve been…”
“Tonight, I went out with someone,” I clarify. “We…”
“You fucked him.” His voice is a low, gravelly whisper, as if the words are painful to say. “Who is it?”
“It doesn’t matter. I just thought you should know.”
“I see.” He’s silent for a beat. “Do you like him?”
“I do. But I’m confused… everything is a mess and I’m not sure it means anything to him. Nothing serious anyway.”
“I only want good things for you, Kat. You know that, right?”
“What are you saying?”
Emotion clogs my throat. I hate this, hate how wrong things feel between us now.
“I fucked up, Kat. It’s not fair of me to think you wouldn’t…” He trails off. “You should do whatever makes you happy.”
“Being with you made me happy, Styx.” So happy. “And you cast me aside like I meant nothing.”
His sharp inhale of breath tells me everything I need to know. He’s sorry for what went down, but he still can’t give me the words I need to hear.
“It’s you,” he says gruffly. “I only see you.”
“Yet you didn’t choose me.” You chose my brother.
“Kat, I—”