“She’s okay. Worried about you.”
“Of course she is.” I sniffle and finally roll over to face my brother.
He gazes down at me. “I know this is hard—”
“It’s worse than hard, D. I hate it. I hate that she’s sick. That one day—”
“Shh. Don’t say it. Don’t let yourself go there. Not yet. She’s here. She’s here and she’s still fighting and every day we have with her, every minute is precious.” His expression turns hard. “You can’t keep skipping out, Kat. She needs you. I can’t be here all the time—”
“I know, D. I know. It’s just sometimes I get so overwhelmed, panic overtakes me and I feel like I can’t breathe. Like I need to scratch my skin off.”
“If I could fix this, I would. But fuck, Kat, this one is out of my hands. Where’d you go yesterday?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I shrug.
“Kat…”
“All you need to know is I was safe and I wasn’t about to do anything stupid.”
He gives me a look that says he doubts that but I ignore it. I’m used to letting my brother down, it’s what I do best. I screw up. He swoops in and fixes it. But I don’t have his sole attention now. River does. And after everything they’ve been through with Jax’s deranged uncle, I understand he feels torn between protecting his girl and protecting his family.
“I’ll try,” I whisper. “To do better.”
“Just tell someone where you’re going next time. I get you need to bail sometimes, but it would make my life hella easier if I didn’t have to send half the club out looking for you.”
I roll my eyes at that, and he chuckles.
“I love you, Kat.” Diesel ruffles my hair and I swat his hand away.
“Love you too, big brother.”
“No matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you.”
“Even now you’re all wifed up?” My brow arches but I smile.
“Even then. You’ll always be my favorite girl. Just don’t tell River. Listen, we’re partying tonight at the clubhouse. Dane thinks it’ll be good for club morale after… everything.”
“He’s a good prez,” I say, ignoring the way my chest flutters at the thought of seeing Ryder at the clubhouse tonight.
“Yeah, he is. Never thought I’d see the day that the Reapers patched over to the Sinners but I’m real fucking glad it happened.”
“I’m glad you’re happy, D.”
He deserves it.
From holding our family together after Dad died, to looking out for Mom and me, and sticking with his brothers at the MC when everything started to go to shit. The club—both clubs—have been through so much the last year, everyone deserves some downtime.
“You’ll find it one day, you know, Kat.”
“It?” I play dumb.
“Yeah, a guy to sweep you off your feet. I’ll fucking hate it but he’s out there.”
“Okay, now I know it’s time to get out of bed.” I get up, unwilling to let our conversation wander into awkward territory.
“Mom wants to come tonight,” he adds.
“Do you think she’s up to it?”